


All the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2020-07-09 22:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19895599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Renjun has a bad habit of falling for straight girls.Reverse gender, college au.





	1. 開始

**Author's Note:**

> There is talk about homophobia and bullying, be forewarned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a prologue, pm. I wasn't gonna post anything yet, but i thought given recent events it'd be nice to put something fluffy out here. 
> 
> About names!  
> Chinese names: left the same because i didn't feel very confident to change them. 
> 
> English and Korean names: only changed if they didn't sound unisex. I tried to always keep the same first character and initials. So, Donghyuck is Donghui, Jaemin is Jaemi and Jisung is Jiseon. Mark is May because I refused to have a Marcia. And I think that's all you need to know for this part~

_It's fine,_ she hears herself say, _As if, it's whatever. I'll be there_. Maybe she believed it at the moment she'd uttered those words. But she's already crying, therefore presumably it wasn't really fine and "whatever". Renjun crosses the green and slips in amongst the trees lining the riverbank. Hardly anyone comes here, a few dog walkers at the weekend and that's about it. It's a bit far from the campus proper and the ground is uneven and usually muddy, no good for picnics or romantic rendezvous. If Renjun is going to shed tears over a stupid straight girl, then she absolutely is not going to do it where anyone might see her. 

She strolls deeper in amongst the trees. She breathes in the scent of leaves and decay, listens to the burbling water and tries to let that girl's words wash off her. She scrubs at her eyes. _This is useless_ , she tells herself. Subin doesn't like her, won't ever like her, and crying over her is _useless_. She hiccups. A sniffle. Oh god, she must look a mess. She has to meet Donghui and May in a few minutes. They'll know she's been crying as soon as they see her. Then Donghui will go off on one about how much she hates Subin-when it's hardly Subin's fault she's a het and Renjun's pathetic lesbian ass has to fancy her. And May will probably give her a hug and make her cry again only this time it will be in public and -- 

Renjun sinks to her haunches. She presses her sweater paws hard against her eyes and concentrates on trying to breathe normally. There are sounds of people, but they're far off. There are birds in the branches of the old trees, and some insects buzzing around and enjoying the spring. She likes it here. Sometimes she has the uncanny feeling she's being watched. But the tiny patch of forest is much older than the college, so Renjun just assumes there are dryads. That's logical to her no matter how often her friends tell her she's weird. No one comes here so who else would be watching her, only dryads. 

"Renjunnie?" 

Dryads who must be currently laughing at her. Renjun recognises that deep voice. Immediately, she picks herself up, roughly scrubs her eyes one more time, and turns around to face the music.

"Jiseonnie, what are you doing here?" 

"Jaemi-unnie promised to buy me lunch."

The teenager comes closer, a little hesitant. She's wearing baggy black jeans, a black hoodie with the hood pulled low to cover her long dark hair, and a neon green t-shirt with something in Russian scrawled across the front. She's tall and striking and has no business looking as shy and cute as she does right now.

"I thought I spotted you, and you looked sad so I followed you. I wasn't sure if I should but... Do you need a hug?" 

Renjun launches herself into the younger girl's embrace. 

Jiseon's long arms wrap around Renjun's smaller frame. She rocks her gently. Renjun isn't crying anymore, but she holds on tightly and feels some of the bitterness and embarrassment unravel itself from her heart. Jiseon doesn't give hugs often, but when she does she's exceptionally good at them. It's one of the few excellent points about her as a dongsaeng that balance out the snark and teasing and unwillingness to remember to call Renjun 'unnie' 

"Renjunnie, what happened?" 

She draws back. Jiseon leaves her arms loose around Renjun's waist, so she can't draw away much and Renjun is perfectly content with that situation for the moment. 

"Remember Ha Subin, the girl I confessed to last month?" 

Jiseon's lips turn down in a frown. Well, of course she remembers. Renjun hadn't stopped going on about her crush on the girl for months. Subin plays basketball for the college. She walks around in big shorts and t-shirts, her long brown hair in a loose ponytail. She's funny and boisterous and sociable. They met in an art history class that Subin was just taking for the credit. Renjun helped her with this strange Italian terms Subin was new to. In return, Subin invited Renjun to parties she normally wouldn't venture near. Renjun wasn't sure if Subin was interested in girls at all. But she did know her heart skipped a beat whenever the girl smiled because of her. 

It was Jaemi and Jeno who convinced Renjun to confess. Donghui had been more cautious. Frankly, Renjun wishes she'd listened to Donghui. Donghui knew a lot about the perils of falling for big, dumb straights. Jaemi and Jeno _are_ big, dumb straights. Yet Renjun so wanted to believe everything would work, to put her trust in Jaemi's infallible idealism and Jeno's sweet optimism. Subin and she were friends. Surely a confession couldn't ruin that. Subin was kind and cared about the people she was close to. Even if she couldn't accept Renjun's feelings, at least they'd remain friends. Renjun needed to believe. 

Subin had laughed. She'd laughed in her face. Renjun had tried to explain, said she hadn't expected anything, but thought she ought to be truthful. Subin sneered, her pretty features transformed. Later, she'd told all her friends what had happened. Except, in her version Renjun was some predatory queer who tricked her way into Subin's company and tried to take advantage of her.

It hadn't mattered that their friend-circles were originally so different, Renjun had spent the last few weeks with jocks coming to her corners of campus to "warn her off", girls she didn't recognise pointing at and whispering about her, even occasionally people moving seats to be further away from her in lectures. Renjun isn't ashamed of being gay, but she's discovered this whole side of the student body that believes she ought to be. 

Anyway, time has passed. It's died down a lot. The situation became just a wound, silently festering under her skin. She was starting to be okay again, starting to not care how some people looked and whispered. Then today, Subin had grabbed her in the hall. Her new boyfriend is throwing her a birthday party. He wants it to be huge, so everyone should come, _Including you, unless you think you can't deal with seeing me and Juntae-oppa. Like, if you're going to be weird just don't come_. And Renjun, the stubborn fool that she is, had said yes. 

"Unnie, why?" Jiseon is gazing down at her with mix of shock and reproach and Renjun's not sure what else.

"I couldn't say no. She expected me to back down and, just... And hideaway. I won't. I'm not going to."

"Renjun-unnie is stupid, "Jiseon sighs. Her phone buzzes in her pocket. Her arms slip from Renjun's waist and she checks her messages. Shaking herself, Renjun steps back and checks her appearance in her phone camera. The light under the canopy is dim. It makes it hard to tell. She's grimacing at her own reflection when Jiseon tells her,

"Jaemi-unnie asked where I am. She says she bumped into Jeno and Chenle and invited them. You want to come with?" 

Renjun contemplates for a moment. Seeing as Jaemi specifically said she's treating Jiseon, it's probably somewhere a bit expensive. Additionally, being with four whole friends and them all learning about today's humiliation... She's not ready. 

"Not today," she replies, "I'm supposed to meet Donghui and May-unnie in... Oh, 5 minutes ago."

Jiseon snorts and tells her 'another time' and that 'Renjunnie's stubby legs had better run fast'. She makes to leave first but Renjun catches her wrist.

"Hey wait, do I look okay?"

"Of course you-" Jiseon blinks. Renjun sees the words faltering on her lips, "What do you mean?" 

Renjun pouts unconsciously. She doesn't see why Jiseon has to be defensive about a simple question. Maybe Renjun really does look horrible. 

"Well, I was crying. Do I still look like it? I tried to check myself but, I don't know, it's easier to ask someone else. So... so yeah." For some reason, Renjun's mouth feels dry. She must have lost too much fluid from crying, she supposes. Yes, that's logical. "Do I look okay? 

Jiseon's dark eyes scan her face. The girl appears sort of flushed and Renjun wonders why. But the answer, she immediately realises, is obvious. She's keeping Jiseon from food. Jiseon is still a teenager, afterall, and she only came over to the campus on a Saturday for a free lunch, not to kiss Renjun's self-inflicted heartache better. 

"Yeah, you look- You're fine. You look fine. I should get going. You too, right?" 

Renjun lets her hold fall from Jiseon's wrist. She watches the girl's back departing for a moment. Now her face feels flushed too. _Definitely need fluids_ , she tells herself. She'll order a giant iced tea with lunch. Hopefully that and the recollection of Jiseon's warm hugs will prevent her crying publicly


	2. 朋友們

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This starts the same day as Renjun being invited to Subin's party.
> 
> Two new names mentioned! Jungwoo becomes Jungwon. Winnie is Winwin.  
> Jiejie means older sister.

After lunch (at which she did pour her heart out but successfully did not cry - a stupendous win), Renjun has back-to-back tutorials, a meeting for a group project, a Mandarin tutoring session with a first year who can't seem to remember that sentences need subjects, then she's in the studio carving lithographs until close to midnight. This part of preparing the prints is slow and laborious. But that's okay, it helps her clear her head. It's just her and a couple of other students in the studio all doing their own thing. Renjun packs up and leaves a few minutes before the security guard is scheduled to come tell them all to bugger off home.

One factor of attending a college away from the big city: her walk from the studio to her dorm is lonely and still, the misty night air making her shiver. Her footsteps resound as she bustles across the main courtyard, making her way around the closed-off sports center - the only modern building on campus. To stop herself getting spooked, she catches up on her messages. There are many.

Everyone knows. As far as Renjun can tell, Donghui told Winnie who told Kun - and therefore, in effect the entire Chinese Students Association, because that's just how things go. May told Jungwon who told Doyoung who told Jeno, who obviously told Jaemi. And now Jaemi is a little annoyed with Renjun for not having messaged her first and has spammed Renjun's phone with Moomin GIFs (some angry, some hugs, some just plain surreal and Renjun genuinely wants to know where her friend finds these gems). It doesn't seem like Jiseon told them about their encounter by the river. That's not so surprising. Ever since she met Jaemi's younger neighbour last year, Renjun had realised she was a girl who knew how to keep things inside.

An incoming message from Chenle distracts Renjun from that line of thought. She's almost home, the tightly packed dorm buildings sit like trolls at the bottom of the shadowy hill. She checks the message in any case. Perhaps her roommate needs something - drinks, bottle of milk, trip to the hospital, who knows. She sniffles. The fragrance of the night scented flowers that pepper the hedge hangs in the air. The far off din of too loud tellies reaches her. Renjun huddles into her jacket.

[ _listen you gotta flex on that h0_ ]

[Why are you typing in English?]

[no reason]  
[r u rly going to that bitches birthday party???]

[idk, I said I would so I guess I'd better]

[then you need to go + look amazing + have fun + show her she's a dumb bitch for letting you go]

[She's a dumb str8, she doesn't want me]

[u still have to go be hotter than her jiejie, show u don't need her]

[I guess :( I'm near the conbini, need anything?]

[just u to get home faster?]  
[i ordered sausage fried rice for us and it's getting cold]  
[fuck diets i do what i want]

[Love u ;;♥]

Renjun ends her night full of carbs and watching videos on her notebook about troll sightings in Scandinavia. It's a good thing Korea doesn't have anything so big and scary lurking in its forests. On the other hand, it does have terrifying fox-women and daemon-eating giant dogs - so it's true that a person can't have everything in life.

About 2 a.m., the lights flicker in her room and Renjun takes that as Youngjo's cue for her to close her notebook and go to bed. (Youngjo is the - largely benign - poltergeist who lives in their dorm. Renjun can't be certain that its name is Youngjo, but that's what she and Chenle have been calling it and it hasn't objected yet).

She recollects the terribly long day she's had, and _that_ \- that black smudge, that smear across her heart - feels so much smaller than she'd thought it would. It's been buffered, been quelled by her friends' kind words and support. And, in fact, by her tutee and groupmates and their states of not knowing or caring about that one homophobic chick who's good with (basket)balls. Renjun's still hurt. Of course she is. But when she falls asleep, it's with the memory of strong arms around her waist and how Jiseon's breath had ghosted the crown of her head.

As much as Renjun would like to stop thinking about Subin's party until she absolutely has to - like, for example, 5 minutes before the event - her friends have alternative plans. Jaemi, Donghui and May roll into the studio Monday afternoon. Renjun appreciates that Jaemi and Donghui are jobless, rich Humanities kids. But May is a third year in biology, usually drowning in coursework. She points this out to the older girl and May simply shrugs, the dozens of beads and toys attached to her backpack rattling softly with the motion.

"Wanted to clear my head and catch up with my good friend Renjunnie," she claims with a milky white smile.

"We bought her a muffin," Jaemi adds, rummaging in her bag and handing a sweet-smelling paper package to May. There's one for you. Can I put it down or will you yell at me?"

"I'll yell at you. Thank you though," Renjun tells her.

"Well alright then. It'll be waiting for you," Jaemi sing-songs, zipping her canvas bag up again and hugging it to herself. Renjun's fearsome looking male classmates, Yeji and Ryujin, are in the studio too, working on a large clay sculpture. Jaemi winks at them and, Renjun refuses to look over, but she hears a dull splat that sounds distinctly like the boys' sculpture losing its head yet again.

"Why _are_ you all here though?" RJ prompts, "Not that it isn't wonderful to see your faces."

"You say nice words but your tone says you want to use that carving tool in our collective face," Donghui gasps, a hand gracefully on her heart. As Renjun gives her dramatics the blank look they deserve, her friend gets to the point, "We are concerned about your deportment come Saturday, apropos your attendance at that whore's shindig."

"We want you to look hot," Jaemi agrees, happily bouncing in her seat.

Renjun scans their smiling faces. They appear innocent. But they are cute girls who know how to appear innocent and charming when in their hearts is only chaos. They're planning something. They most likely aren't going to tell Renjun what that something is. She places her tools down and folds her hands in her lap.

"Should I back out?" she asks, smoothing her striped, paint-splattered culottes over her thighs, "If you think that would be best just say it. I never should have agreed in the first place, right?"

Donghui's hand slams down on the table, making several of Renjun's tools roll off, the boys' whimper, and their statue lose its head for the nth time that day.  
"Say that again I'll shove these pipe cleaners up your nose, Renjunnie my love. Remove the word 'back-out' from your lexicon right the fuck now," she orders, level tone not matching her actions.

"My emotional friend is right, Renjunnie," May agrees, brushing a muffin crumb from her lip with a manicured thumb, a placating hand on Donghui's slim shoulders, "Like heck are you backing out now."

Somewhat alarmed, Renjun turns to Jaemi, who grins. It is the grin of imminent death.  
"What part of 'we want you to look hot' was lost on you?" she checks, voice dripping with honey.  
Renjun requests her muffin and doesn't bother replying. Whatever they're planning, it's generally easiest to go along with events. She'll worry about the trolls under the bridge only when she meets them, she tells herself, sinking her teeth into the dark chocolate cake, bitter and sweet and still warm on her lips.


	3. 逛逛街

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to buy Renjun a dressy dress~
> 
> Switches between hers and Jiseon's PoV.

On Tuesday evening, Renjun finds herself _not_ tutoring nor studying. Neither is she in the studio nor, in fact, doing anything productive. She is sitting on an uncomfortable chair on the 6th floor of a department store, while Jaemi, Jeno and Donghui flit about finding items for her to take to the fitting room. Renjun, as it happens, feels that she is quite capable of dressing herself. However, Jaemi informed her in no uncertain terms that Renjun's taste in clothes (re: comfy things and 'stuff with stars because stars are neat') simply would not cut it for Subin's party.

By the way the concept of Miss Lee Jeno being _less_ of a fashion terrorist is somewhat insulting to Renjun, but she's able to bear with it as she had forehand knowledge of Jaemi being a Big Biased Bitch.

Anyway.

At least Chenle and Jiseon are keeping her company. Sort of. The high schooler and her roommate are sitting together on the chair next to hers. They're watching animal videos on Chenle's phone. Jiseon's contribution to overall sanity is that she convinced Chenle that they should use earphones.

A cloud of cornflower blue silk is thrown at Renjun's face by Donghui. It's a strappy top Renjun discovers after picking it up and beginning to fold it for the growing pile in the basket by her feet. Chenle's dolphin laugh explodes suddenly, making Renjun jolt and the nicely folded garment slipped from her fingers. _Drat_ , she grouses at it.

"Renjunnie."

Said girl looks up to find Jiseon staring at her, glimmering eyes like pretty crescents. She's plucked the earphone from her own ear and is holding it out between pinched fingers.

"Renjunnie should watch this one." 

"I'm unnie," she reminds Jiseon. Not remotely chastised, the younger girl nods, 

"Eung, it reminds me of Renjunnie-unnie."

Chenle cackles yet again. Naturally, Renjun hesitates no more and leans over to see what the other girls are watching. The distance between their chairs is sort of awkward, and Renjun ends up with her chin around the same height as Jiseon's elbow. For comfort, she rests her head against the younger girl's arm, peering up and poking her exceptionally soft cheek once for good measure. Jiseon scrunches her nose up in displeasure - and honestly, that cuteness was precisely the payout Renjun had been hoping for. Jiseon, rather than bother whining, only places her earphone in Renjun's ear. Her long fingers brush the sensitive skin. Jiseon smiles down at her - warmly, sweetly - then looks away.

The video is half over before Renjun remembers she was supposed to be watching.

"Isn't it cute?" That's Chenle. Renjun, although she had a quite adequate chuckle, furrows her brow and glares up at Jiseon accusingly.

"Yes... But Jiseon-ah, how did that remind you of me?" The video had been clips of a little white ferret going about its ferrety business and a song from Moana in the background. "Does Jiseonnie think this unnie is a ferret?" 

Jiseon glances at her with an easy smile and just shrugs.

"Yes? It's cute and Renjunnie is cute." She turns away. Chenle, for whatever reason is wheezing in laughter and slapping Jiseon's thigh. Renjun feels very aware of how her cheek is still pressed to Jiseon's arm, the thin white hoodie all that lies between her and Jiseon's lean dancer's arms, perpetually covered in bruises and scrapes. Hurriedly picking herself back up, 

"You two are weird. It's not that funny," she grumbles, toying absent-mindedly with the pleats of her skirt. She'd bet her scholarship they can't even hear her anymore.

Whilst she was watching the silly ferret video (that absolutely does not resemble her in any way) the pile in the basket by her feet got bigger. She eyes it nervously, tugging the soft, grey sleeves of her too-large jumper over her fists. Some of the items in there, frankly, she's uncertain if they constitute tops or skirts or some kind of accessory. She wonders how her friends truly imagine her presence at this party unfolding. Because it's clearly different from her own plan of being a wallflower for about 30 minutes, enjoying the free booze, and promptly leaving for a bar and better company.

"Are we done?" she hears Jaemi ask.

"Aren't we?" Jeno replies, rocking on her heels at her best friend's side.

"Eung!" Donghui strides up to Renjun's side in the little waiting area, "There's no way you won't find something you like Renjunnie. Time to go try everything on." 

She's grinning proudly, so Renjun smiles back despite the spike of apprehension in her gut. She heaves the basket up, fairly sure the store won't allow her to bring this much stuff into the fitting rooms.

Jiseon is having a terribly hard time. Firstly, she shouldn't even be here. Jeno had lied to her mum that there was an extra dance class for those entering next month's competition. Jiseon went along with things because it seemed like the older girls weren't going to give her a choice. But honestly, she has other things she could be doing. Such as homework, or reviewing for her English test. Or really training for that dance competition. Or watching paint dry, to be honest - it'd be preferable.

She's not quite sure what the older girls are planning. Watching her crush try on cute outfits to wear to the girl who broke her heart's birthday party - this is not Jiseon's idea of fun. Except that Renjun looks incredibly pretty. But Jiseon can't tell her that. Jiseon doesn't trust her tongue. 'You look nice' could much too easily morph into 'you would look nice being held tightly in my arms everyday while I tell you how beautiful and beloved you are'. The most she can manage is 'cute'. Anything beyond that and heart palpitations set in.

Jiseon's not even positive how much the others know about her crush. She'd told Chenle when she'd first gotten mixed up about what she felt towards the petite Chinese girl. Jiseon trusted Chenle to listen and not make a big deal out of it. And Chenle lived up to that trust - after her confession they'd played video games all night.

Nothing much happened after that. Jiseon felt pretty secure quietly being in hopeless unrequited love with her friend. But last summer, she had suggested something to Jaemi. They'd been having a 'deep' conversation on the older girl's balcony after a barbecue night. The half a can of beer she'd had or the vast starry night or _something_ must have gone to her head, because Jiseon remembers she brought the subject up of her own free will. She'd been vague, but Jaemi had read between the lines, intuiting a lot of what Jiseon wasn't willing to say.

Unfortunately, Jaemi's ability to keep secrets from Jeno, Donghui and May was and remains poor to non-existent. Jiseon doesn't dare inquire who is and isn't fully aware of her stupid, sickly-sweet, sapphic crush on Renjun. Only that Renjun doesn't know. And so long as Renjun is clueless, everything is fine, a-okay, spiffy...

Chenle brushes Jiseon's fringe from her eyes.   
"You good?" she asks softly.

"I'm great." 

"You're not. You made Renjun-jie sad." 

"No, I didn't!" she hisses, flushing.

"You did though," Donghui cuts in, moving closer. _Just perfect._ Jiseon had presumed she was too focused on Jaemi and Jeno - currently bickering about Game of Thrones, why? - to overhear. 

"Renjunnie doesn't care what I think," she claims. Donghui growls. Chenle pat's Jiseon's back in a way that somehow conveys 'you're an idiot but you're still my idiot, I guess'.

"You're her _friend,"_ Donghui enunciates the word, "So of course she cares. Quit telling her she looks 'fine'. Alright? Just don't." 

There's a rustle of fitting room curtains. Chenle whispers in her ear,   
"Tell Jiejie she's a hot bitch challenge, go!" 

Unhelpful, because now Jiseon's blushing before Renjun's even come out to show them her outfit.

Renjun checks herself in the mirror one more time before stepping out to get her friends' opinions. She quite likes this one, yet somehow she's not too confident. When it comes down to it, she supposes, she really doesn't suit cocktail dresses and fancy jewellery. They're trying to make her look sexy and chic when she evidentially is neither. Still. She does kind of like this outfit.

The dress is a dark purple. The skirt is short and there's so much silky underskirt going on Renjun feels like she's moving in a cloud of violets. The bodice laces up at the back and is embroidered with butterflies. There's a black lace choker to match. (It's Jeno who concentrated on picking out cute accessories for her. The preponderance of chokers and chains and general air of light bondage made that much obvious. Some of the things Jeno alighted on genuinely are pretty though). With one last glance at her hopelessly out of place Stitch socks, Renjun marches out to permit her friends to scrutinise her.

"Well fuck me, who told you to be so cute?" 

"Lit, Jie. Buy it." 

"Uwah~! Our Renjunnie is a flower. A flower!" 

"That tall bitch is going to rue the day she rejected you, sweetie. You look stunning." 

So far so... normal, more or less. Donghui, Jeno and Jaemi picked everything so naturally there positive about it all. Plus Chenle is generally a supportive roommate. Having said that, the response is definitely hotter than for the last baby blue dress. Renjun turns to their youngest. She figures if Jiseon gives her the usual 'it's fine, it's alright', then she'll know the others are just being nice and the dress doesn't suit her.

She looks up, shuffling in her stocking feet. (Stupid Jiseon and her continuous growth spurts - when will the madness end?). The younger appears sorts of red in the face. Renjun guesses she's tired and waiting to leave. The way it takes her a moment to meet Renjun's eyes and answer seems to confirm that.

"Er," Jiseon drawls - and Renjun's heart sinks a little, already preparing herself to slink back to the fitting room and try on yet another gaudy dress. "You're pretty. It's pretty. The outfit is. It's... yeah. What Jaemi-unnie said. You should wear-" She gestures with her hand to indicate the whole outfit, "Like that." 

Renjun smiles, dimples deep on her cheeks - she presumes Jiseon means the choker looks nice with the dress rather than that Renjun should show up to the party in Stitch socks.

"Thanks, Jiseonnie. I'll buy this then."

As she scurries away to get changed back into her comfy skirt and well-worn boots, these are the things Renjun notices:

\-- Jiseon smiling back at her yet looking somehow petrified. Theory proven - a big, lanky, sleepy baby.

\-- Jeno screeching suddenly and her and Jaemi holding each other and grinning at her, an excess of teeth on display. Nothing overly unusual for them.

\-- Donghui and Chenle sprawled over a chair and rather failing to stifle their giggles about... something. She can't tell, but she suspects it's about Jiseon. Renjun is irked, she decides as she's struggling to slip the dress off. If there is making fun of Jiseon going on and they haven't included Renjun in it, she's coming for all of them.

Jiseon all but collapses into the chair, letting out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding. Oh god. Oh good god. The lacy little skirt, and the choker hugging her white neck, and her blonde hair loose around her slender shoulders. Renjun looked just like one of the forest fairies she pretends she doesn't believe in. Oh god, oh hell.

Donghui fans her with a flyer for a noodle house.

"You're looking a little heated there, Jiseonnie." 

She grimaces, knowing better than to respond. _Sadists_ , she thinks, all of her unnies are sadists. Even Renjun... Especially Renjun, in her choker, looking like a pixie dancing straight out of Jiseon's dreams. Jiseon groans. She's doomed. 


	4. 相親

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, begins after they've got Renjun her outfit. Shout out to NoRen nation~!  
> "May and Lucia" = Mark and Lucas

After finding her an outfit, they got coffees and hung around on the shopping street, chatting and people-watching and generally being a nuisance. It was already late though, so it wasn't long before Jiseon headed off, before her mum would start sending passive aggressive texts. Chenle walked her to her subway station and went home herself. A little later, Donghui and Jaemi decided to go crash May and Lucia's flat. Then it was just Renjun and Jeno, ambling through the still brightly-lit streets, the misty weather making the neon lights seem to sparkle. The two girls made their way to the bus stop and back out of the city, to campus and their dorms.

In the night bus they slump into two seats. It's only half-full, being so late on a weeknight. Renjun feels a pleasant buzz in her head. Spending time with her best friends and two favourite dongsaengs always does great things to the overall balance of her qi. Plus with most of her outfit sorted, the party feels a hundred times more doable. It's still a nasty blot on her horizon, but one she figures she'll get through with no great stain to her personage.

Jeno yawns loudly. She lets one arm flop over Renjun's shoulders and then, all of a sudden, Renjun finds the crown of her head being used as a pillow. She rolls her eyes, squirming into a more comfortable position. It's not that she likes her friends needlessly cuddly, tactile tendencies - except maybe a little. But you sign-up for these things when being Jeno's friend. Renjun believes in making the best out of a skinshippy situation. Pretty soon, she's comfortable and growing sleepy herself, Jeno's arms warm on the frigidly cold bus. Through her drowsiness, it takes her a moment to process her friend's question rumbling through her skull.

"By the way, who are you going to take as your date?" 

"Huh?" Renjun mutters against Jeno's chest, very much unwilling to move.

"Your date. I said I'd offer, but Jaemi & Donghui... and May-unnie... and also Lucia-unnie and Doyoung-unnie said it wouldn't be believable." 

Renjun can _hear_ the pout and is more adamant than ever that she shan't lift her head to see.

"Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure the whole campus knows you dated Jang Yein and, well... Feels like we wouldn't be very credible." 

There's a blissful silence, broken by Jeno sighing into her hair.

"I could be bi?" 

"No, you couldn't," Renjun denies, patting Jeno's thigh consolingly, "Now hush, noisy pillow."

Jeno lets out a sad squeak and squeezes Renjun a little closer.

Renjun wakes up the following morning to brilliant sunlight streaming through her window, and somehow she just knows this day is going to smack her in the face. Indeed, when she drags herself out to the living area, she's met with Chenle, sweaty from a dawn run, wearing a tank top with a flannel shirt tied around her waist. (Renjun is too used to this appropriation of lesbian culture to comment). The girl is sitting on their hard sofa, carefully unwrapping a toaster.

"You broke ours again?" she accuses as she pours herself a tall glass of cucumber water, eyes narrowed on the box occupying their coffee table.

"No," Chenle replies, flicking through the manual.

"Then what's with this?" 

"I wanted poptarts," the younger girl shrugs. Presumably feeling Renjun's gaze drilling holes in her skull, she elaborates, "I wanted a lot of poptarts." 

"Do you even like poptarts?" Renjun questions. Because, fair enough, Chenle has a sweet tooth, but it usually runs a little classier than this.

"I'm carb-loading, Jie. Don't judge me." 

Renjun resolves that she _will_ judge Chenle. She continues to judge her as they're sitting on the styrofoam speckled sofa sharing a score of beautifully toasted, nutritionally void snacks.

"Listen, Jie," Chenle says out of the blue, swallowing a huge mouthful and roughly wiping her lips, "Have you thought about a date?" 

"You're not going to suggest I bring Jeno, are you?" 

"Certainly not!" Chenle gapes. She prods the poptart crumbs on her cracked plate, visibly contemplating whether or not to have a sixth, "But like, you should think about it. It's all very well you turning up looking pretty-pretty, but they're still going to characterise you as a lonely, friendless dyke in love with that bitch unless you bring a hot date." 

"Fuck what they think, though," Renjun grumbles, aggressively munching her food.

"Yeah, but you might actually have fun if you bring someone." 

Chenle turns her attention to arranging her remaining scraps of food into an angry face - indubitably the sort of thing she paid exorbitant fees to come to Korea and do. But her words stay with Renjun. The idea of actually having fun at Subin's party is wild and new. Even when she was crushing on her, Renjun was so eager to fit in and please her that she'd rarely been able to simply enjoy herself in the girl's presence. It _would_ be neat to have a date there - just to talk and dance with. Nothing special.


	5. 咖啡館

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Renjun might not know it, but plans are put into action

Surprisingly, the next person to bring up the matter is Doyoung. Renjun and Jaemi have a film history class together. Afterwards, Jaemi uses the aesoteric magic that only she possesses to convince Renjun to come with her to the expensive café where their older friend works and buy them both carrot cake. _It comes with a bunny on it, Renjunnie, have you thought about the bunny?_ Renjun had not. Decapitating the smiling fondant animal is the first thing she does when Doyoung places her slice in front of her along with a hot oolong tea. (Jaemi places hers delicately on the side of her plate with a carrot shred to use as its chair).

"I heard you lot were clothes shopping for _that girl's_ party," Doyoung comments, leaning on her counter to chat seeing as the café happens to be quiet. There's an inflection to how she says 'that girl' that Renjun and Jaemi find quite delicious. Subin and her boy occasionally come into Doyoung's café to lie about having received the wrong change and make out at a table in the middle of the room. Now that Doyoung knows it's the same girl who broke Renjun's heart, she's cultivated a potent disdain.

So Jaemi proudly describes the outfit and the pair of knee-high boots she's planning to get Renjun into on the night. (And Renjun praises her friend's remarkable skill in picking out practically half the shop and finding one (1) workable outfit amongst that). Then Doyoung teasingly asks,

"And what girl are you going to have on your arm?" 

Jaemi gestures wildly with her satanically black coffee in flailing hands.

"This is what I'm saying!" 

"You are?" Renjun arches in eyebrow. Jaemi hasn't been saying it to _her_.

"Yes, I am," Jaemi sniffs. Noticing that she's pointing with her drink, she carefully places it on her plate (now empty apart from the fondant bunny) and folds her hands together. "No, but really, we're gonna find you a hot date. One even that bargain basement twat waffle won't be able to run her mouth about." 

And then something occurs which Renjun can only observe in cynical awe. Jaemi and Doyoung run-down a sort of checklist of who could be her fake girlfriend for the night. Not her usual crew because no one would believe they're really on a date. Not Kun-jie or Janey because it would be like going to the club with your mum. Definitely not Jungwon or Henrietta because it takes very little free booze for them to get working on there twerking and Renjun simply has no patience for that ... Doyoung and Jaemi breeze through this list of acquaintances with such swiftness and agreeableness, that Renjun is fully convinced they've planned this in advance. Doyoung thinks she's subtle. Jaemi at least more or less knows she isn't. Renjun swirls her tea leaves. She bides her time, waiting to see when they'll get to the point.

The café doors chime above the soft, piped jazz. The influx of cool air makes the napkins flutter beside Renjun's plate.

"Oh, Jiseonnie, look who's here already."

In the doorway stand Jeno and Jiseon - coming straight from the studio judging by their appearance. Jeno has on cherry pink shorts despite the cold, and a black hoodie to match her sneakers. She tugs the hood back as she's scurrying over to squeeze under Jaemi's awaiting arm, revealing hair speckled by the fog. Jiseon, on the other hand, is sniffling behind a mask and a baseball cap, her thin jacket folded over her elbow. She's wearing long black leggings, tatty pink trainers that renjun remembers are her lucky pair, and a cropped hoodie with a bold, swirling floral pattern over her white tank top. She plods over, drags across the nearest free chair, and parks near Renjun.

"You look tired," Renjun pouts, "Unnie will buy you tea." 

"I'd rather a latte macchiato," the girl chirps, pulling off her cap and re-tying her messy ponytail. Her voice sounds fine, so Renjun guesses she's not sick, only sniffly because of the fog. Even so,

"You'll drink tea. Tea is good for you." 

"If I get a latte macchiato, I could share with you," Jeno laughs.

"She'll drink tea. Tea is good for her," Jaemi tells her best friend, running fingers through her damp hair. Renjun remembers anew why she likes Jaemi best.

It turns out that most of Jiseon's school are off supporting their basketball team this afternoon. Dance practice clearly being more important than showing school spirit, Jiseon had called up Jeno.

"And at practice I remembered Doyoung-unnie's bunny carrot cake with the bunnies," Jeno explains, bright eyed, "And I thought like, we've earned it! So what were you guys talking about before we barged in?" 

Renjun's suspicions begin blaring alarms in her head all over again. How terribly coincidental... She glances towards Jiseon as Doyoung and Jaemi rehash everything. Her eyes travel the girl's features. Her head is bowed over her drink - hot ginger and rosehip tea with honey; latte macchiato _whomst_. Her Cupid's bow lips pursed. A little frown creasing her forehead. Is she that tired? Renjun wonders. Or sick for real? Her fair skin looks soft under the café's low lights and Renjun cogitates deeply upon the pros and cons of poking her nose right now.

Although it doesn't seem like the correct moment, so she opts to curtail her poking Instinct for the presents.

Jiseon tilts her head, just a little. First, Renjun notices the line of her fine jaw, how it's so much more mature than it had been even half a year ago. After that, what she notices is how Jiseon is looking back at her. That and how her lips quirk up with what could very well be described as a smirk.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." 

Renjun tsks. She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and comments,

"You've been dancing since you were a foetus, yet you still can't manage your health well. Isn't it odd?" 

"When I was a foetus I didn't have high school quizzes," Jiseon grumbles, scrunching her nose up in distaste. (Renjun notes that she personally achieved that nose-scrunch without having to poke her younger friend at all, and reward herself 100MP for a new skill unlocked). 

"That's fair," Renjun agrees. "How _is_ it going lately? Are you still flunking physics?" 

As if Renjun triggered a switch, Jiseon grins, fists on her hips and chest out proudly, "I went up to a B minus." 

Excited for her, Renjun shakes the girl's arm. She's just about to tell her well done and how she could never have done it without pretty and wise Renjun-unnie's useful advice. But Jiseon adds, shoulders slumping again,

"It won't last. We had the astronomy module and I got to ramble about quasars. Like in that podcast you sent me. I'm not normally going to be given points for regurgitating space podcasts." 

Renjun switches to giving her arm a consoling pat.

"It's still great your grade went up. Come to mention it, that podcast started a season two. Do you want me to send it to you? Last time they were talking about interstellar clouds." 

"Neat. You can - er..."

The realisation dawns on them simultaneously that three pairs of eyes are ogling them. Jiseon opens her mouth to speak, thinks better of it and takes a gulp of the tea she's been reluctantly sipping since it was set down in front of her. Renjun resists the urge to roll her eyes. Jiseon can be shy for no reason because she's still a teenager and teenagers are weird like that. However, Renjun sees no logic in herself being shy just because her platonically married friends and café-unnie are gawping at her. She raises her chin and chooses to be unaware of her hot cheeks. 

"Why are you staring at the beauty that is Renjun?" 

"Because we appreciate such blessings," Jaemi immediately responds, smile like caramel. Linking her hands with Jeno's - which had been minding its own business on the wooden table, she adds, "Was there any other reason, My one and only?" 

Nonplussed, Jeno peers the unreasonably short distance between them at Jamie, unblinking for a moment. (Renjun senses that some form of BFF communication just took place and that, small and spindly creature that she is, she should be fearful). Suddenly simpering, Jeno faces her,

"Yes, of course. Renjunnie, about our good news..." 

The so-called 'good news' - that Renjun had missed whilst annoying Jiseon about her grades, is that Lucia will also be at the party. She accepted the invitation without knowing whose birthday party it was. Lucia is just a woman who loves parties. Most especially, birthday parties. Overridingly, birthday parties with a free bar. Unfortunately for Renjun, she has poor willpower when in the presence of her max high-tension Hong Kong buddy plus alcohol. Drinking till she's legless at Subin's party doesn't sound like a very good idea to sober renjun. Slightly tipsy Renjun with Lucia on her arm will probably think it's genius.

"Your definition of good news is lacking," she tells Jeno plainly, biting her lip in worry. Her friend's smile slips to a sad moue. She, reasonably, doesn't understand Renjun's concern. But Doyoung clears her throat to speak. When she does, there's a certain note to her chipper voice that speaks of this unnie's paucity of acting talent.

"Well, if you think about it, Lucia is dance team. You're the reliable you. Therefore, there would be two people to keep an eye on her if, perhaps, our Jiseonnie went as your date. I've heard her grades are okay lately - so your mum could probably be persuaded, Jiseonnoe. I honestly think it could be good, Renjun-ah."

A dozen protests had leapt to Renjun's tongue. They trickle away at that last sentence. Quite out of the blue, Doyoung had sounded sincere. What did that mean? Was this what her friends have been planning, what that calvary at the department store was in aid of? Jiseon is her friend and little - in an increasingly less literal sense - sister. She's fairly certain the girl is only into boys. The preposition must see more than peculiar to her.

Noticing how her hands are gripping her seat cushion too tightly, Renjun forces her fingers to unclench one by one. When she lays her hands on her lap though, she ends up bunching them in her handkerchief skirt all the same. She peeks at Jiseon. The girl's expression is hard to make out. Shock, for one - bottom lip slack, eyes darting between Jeno and Jaemi (Doyoung already having escaped to attend to a new customer). A finger hooks into the collar of that vibrant hoodie and she adjusts it around her neck. She gulps.

 _She hates it_ , Renjun concludes, failing to puzzle out the girl she thought she could read like a book. I have to help her get out of this. They should never have put it out there in the first place. Why _wouldn't_ Jiseon hate the idea?

"Do you really think you could convince Mum?" Jiseon coughs, smothering Renjun's excuses before they've even taken shape.

"Yeah," Jeno answers, matter-of-factly, as if lying convincingly to Mrs. Park was as easy as breathing, "You'll have to be good. If anything goes wrong, we'll never get a favour out of your Mum again." 

"We might," Jaemi butts in, slurping noisily on the remnants of her coffee, "Tell her Subin-ho is ex-dance team. Mrs. Park needn't concern herself with trivialities." 

Renjun is dumbstruck. Her galaxy has shifted on its axis. The light of its stars shining upon her is imperceptibly altered.

"Are you sure?" she interrupts. She'd intended her voice to come out strong and assured. But she hears it quaver and she inwardly cringes. "Are you sure you're fine with it, Jiseonnie? You don't have to just because these idiots suggested it." 

Jiseon balks. Renjun thinks it's weird. She _clearly_ thinks it's weird. There was Jiseon, lost in reveries of what it would be like to lay her hand over Renjun's right now, to feel her slowly relax and lace her pale fingers with Jiseon's. Meanwhile, Renjun's hands are clenched in her skirt precisely because the topic of Jiseon is weirding her out. Oh no! She has to fix this.

She attempts a shrug. She feels like it comes off as more of a random spasm, but points for the attempt.

Chenle had warned her. As they'd walked to the subway together after shopping for Renjun's outfit, she's let Jiseon know that Jaemi had indeed spilled more or less everything to Donghui, May and Jeno. Now the older girls wanted to turn this nasty business of Subin's party into something beneficial. What they considered beneficial - instead of considering how grossly awkward Renjun would find it to have her gangly little sister tag along to her crush's party.

"I'm fine with it if Renjun- uunnie is," she asserts - impressed at herself for sounding 100 times breezier than she feels. Last night, Chenle had given her encouragement. She said to keep her chin up and have faith. She'd even joked that Renjun might somehow like her back - not that that was possible. Jiseon knew it was a bad idea, but keeping her best friend's words in her head, she hadn't batted an eyelash when Jeno, out of nowhere, cut the music and announced they were going to Doyoung's hipster café for "a break". As if Jeno even understood the concept of taking a break from dance training. She'd marched along behind her team member, choosing to accept whatever Fate and the conniving older girls had in store for her.

Even if that happens to be humiliating public rejection. She feels her muscles tense, from the tips of her fingers up through her arms and down her spine. She recollects Renjun as she'd found her amongst the old forest, shaken from tears that still glittered in the corners of her beautiful eyes. At least Lucia will be there, Jiseon tells herself. She'd hate to think of Renjun alone at that awful girl's party. It'll be alright. She doesn't need Jiseon worr-

"It's fine, I guess. Yeah, it's fine," Renjun mumbles. Jiseon chugs half her yucky, old-woman tea to keep herself from grinning too broadly, whilst Jeno screeches into her best friend's shoulder.


	6. 餃子

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longish update cos I'm gonna have to put this on hold for a little :( I feel bad cos the fic moves so slowly, but just know the rensung lesbian power couple agenda is still going strong

On Thursday morning, Renjun wakes up around dawn. Soft pink slashes the grey sky. A golden silhouette lies across trees, swaying in the silent breeze like giants making their way home after a wild night, and the old brick buildings where most people are rational enough to still be sleeping. Renjun lets out a jaw cracking yawn and levers herself from the bed. For no obvious reason, her phone slides off the mattress and lands on the fluffy Pleasant Goat slippers she keeps for winter. (Now, Chenle has been known to imply that Renjun ought to feel embarrassed for being 20 and owning a pair of Pleasant Goat slippers. But Chenle has never known the shame of having to shop in the kids' shoes section because a whole department store deems you too little to be a real adult. So to hell with her and her implications). In any case, Renjun takes her phone's descent as a sign and tip toes out to let Youngjo keep snoozing.

The reason Renjun woke herself up at such a god-awful hour, is that she needs to get a lot of work done before the evening. Her evening has now been dedicated to heading across town to, 1) visit Jaemi's house and browse her extensive shoe collection for something that both fits and makes Renjun's legs stop looking like matchsticks, and 2) to woo Jiseon's mum. 

The second actually isn't that hard. Jiseon's parents like Renjun and she never was planning to stay long at the party. She's pretty sure they'll entrust their daughter to her for a little while. The first one is likely more difficult, but Renjun chooses to put her trust in Na Jaemi's true and pure love for sexy boots.

Back to the morning. Renjun's plan to work like a dog beforehand goes less than well. Over her morning coffee, she sends Jiseon a link to that astronomy podcast. It must be in her head then - thoughts about galaxies and luminosities and the distance between stars - because when she sits herself down on a stool in the studio, she's succumbed by a desire to change her designs.

One that catches her attention first is of a creaking old evergreen, like the ones by the river. There's a girl perched in its branches and another looking up at her. The background, now Renjun looks at it again, is depressingly simple, the sky and clouds. Before she knows it, she's mapping the constellations around them. When Yeji comes in to work on his own projects around 10, he asks her how she's getting on. Renjun surveys the papers around her and her lack of progress on actual prints and gives the boy with the face full of piercings a helpless look.

"It's coming along." 

"That great, huh?" he nods in understanding.

Come seven o'clock, the skies are dark and clear, no sign of the mist that's been moping around for days. She and Chenle have squeezed onto a bus into town. They inch through the traffic. Too bored for words, Chenle draws frowny faces on the condensation soaked windows. Now that Renjun has got her alone (and essentially trapped) she decides it's time to confront her roommate. Did she know the others were setting Renjun up? Because it _was_ a plan all along, wasn't it?

Chenle chews her lip, marring the bright orange lip tint. She scratches her neck, dyed hair tangling around her fingers. She squirms around on the hard seat. However, she doesn't look guilty or caught out, more like she's choosing her words carefully.

"Look, yeah," she admits at last,"They've been wanting you to take Jiseon. Her calling up Jeno for dance practice was just chance, but I guess they... I don't know, decided to shoot their shot or whatever. And it worked. Quit looking so troubled, Jie. You got a cute date." 

Renjun tsks. She's plaited her hair for the first time in an age, and tugs self-consciously at the end lying over her shoulder.

"It's just... It still doesn't make sense. You're telling me they for real wanted to set me up with Jiseonnie?" Chenle only hums an acknowledgement. Renjun pouts. "But why would they?" 

Her roommate sighs. (Chenle is closer to Jiseon than Renjun. Unlike Renjun, who hasn't seen them since New Year, Chenle has met Jiseon's parents frequently this year. So, also unlike Renjun, she hadn't wanted to make an especial effort - none the less, her hair is freshly dyed aubern with glitter twinkling in it with every movement, and that new denim jacket could probably feed a poor family for a week. Renjun fingers the worn, greying cuffs of her aging puffer jacket).

"Maybe they think you two would be good together." 

"She's like my real little sister," Renjun counters.

"Is she?" 

"What?"

"Well," again Chenle takes her time plucking the words from the air. The bus slowly lumbers along its route. "I'm like your real little sister, aren't I? And you're never flirty with me." 

Renjun guffaws. What a thing to say! 

"I'm never flirty with her either." 

"You kind of are though." 

"What?!" 

And Chenle reminds her of a few moments, miniscule things that had slipped Renjun's mind. 

Like a few months ago, when Donghui and Jaemi had blown half their monthly allowances on fancy eye makeup. They were all gathered up in Jaemi's huge bedroom when Donghui asked Renjun if she could try a look out on her. Renjun was wary. Donghui is talented with these things, but also sometimes she really lets her artistic side out. Renjun didn't want Donghui using this makeup (that, according to the adverts, would last practically through a nuclear bomb) to give her a space alien look, or 19th century Parisienne whore chic, or who knows what else.

"Don't give me that look, Renjunnie! I'll be good! How about I start on one side and if you hate that, I'll help you clean it off. Okay?" 

At this point, Chenle jerks her chin towards Renjun, who's busily worrying her plait.

"Do you remember what you did then, Jie?" 

"Maybe?" Renjun concedes, "Okay yes. But it wasn't flirting. It was just a joke. Why are you calling it flirting?"

"Because- Look, try this. I'm you, you're Jiseon ... Sit up straighter, you should be tall." 

Next Chenle - insultingly and rather unnecessarily - slumps in her seat till she's significantly lower than Renjun. She puts on a teasing expression, trails a finger down Renjun's arm and says,

"Ne, Jiseon-ah, which side of my face is cuter? Is it this side, or this side? Hm?" She turns her face - once, twice, then gazes up at Renjun through her dark eyelashes. Renjun shoves her, a palm flat on Chenle's forehead.

"Shut up! I didn't do it like that!" 

"You literally did, Jie." 

"I was just joking around. I wasn't flirting!" 

Chenle rolls her eyes as she sits back up. She's not done though. Renjun has to deal with rehashing that time at the aquarium when she told Jiseon not to let go of her hand in case she got lost.

( _"And what? Jiseon could get lost in a paper bag - you know she could."_

_"Sure, but realistically, how would either a 10 foot tall high school girl in a Pink Floyd Tshirt or a Chinese student with mismatched Crocs get lost? All the visitors apart from us were primary school kids."_

_"I didn't think that far ahead! Leave me alone."_ ) 

Also that one time Chenle happened to see hers and Jiseon's chat log.

( _"You were explaining about yetis and Soviet nuclear experiments and... I don't know. Some tin hat theory. And you used 12 heart emoji. I counted them, Jie - there were twelve. For yetis."_

 _"I was excited because she didn't call it a tin hat theory!" Renjun humphs_.) 

They're nearing their stop. At long last, Renjun mentally cries. She can feel Chenle eyeing her cautiously. Renjun adjusts her woollen skirt and does her best to look unconcerned. Why should Chenle be cautious? Perhaps if Renjun had been flirting without realising it with Jiseon. Perhaps then she'd be feeling vulnerable and foolish and upset. Perhaps she'd be hating herself for not learning her lesson about flirting with straight girls. Then Chenle would have a reason to be looking at her as if she were so fragile she might snap with the next breeze. But Renjun is not fragile. She is strong and independent, and just because she's going along with her friends setting her up with Jiseon does not mean she thinks they're right about her flirting with her younger friend. Jiseon's just her little sister. That's all. This is ridiculous.

As the bus pulls up to their stop, Renjun is immensely glad she arranged go alone to Jaemi's first before heading across to the Park household.

To Renjun's surprise, it doesn't take long at Jaemi's. The pair of knee-highs she'd mentioned before are too small for her. She bought them because they were the last pair in a sale and they were ' _too beautiful to be all lonely like that, it made me despair_ '. With a little padding they fit Renjun like a dream. Jaemi boxes them back up, finds a bag for Renjun to carry them in, and makes her promise to show her 'babies' a good time. Renjun lingers before saying goodbye. 

"What's up? I heard Jiseon's mum is making dumplings. Don't you want to go get fed?" she asks, plopping down on her bed and dragging her giant shiba plushie on to her lap. Renjun begins fumbling over an answer. Thinking again, she stops halfway, and pads over to sit on the edge of the bed beside Jaemi. She holds the strap of the tote bag Jaemi found for her in both hands, hanging over her knees. The bag has a design of an ugly cat giving a thumbs-up, and Renjun takes that as an encouraging sign from the universe.

"I want to ask you something. Let's suppose... So, hypothetically, if there were... If there happened to be..." Jaemi's staring at her, a guileless smile on her face as she plays with the plushies ears. Renjun feels painfully transparent right now. "Okay, fuck it. Jaemi-yah, am I a flirt?" 

"Yes? Depends on the person, I guess," the younger girl shrugs.

"I don't feel like a flirt," Renjun mumbles.

"Is it bothering you?" Jaemi inquires, head cocked so her wild bangs full across her eyes, "It's not a bad thing." 

"It is if it's with the wrong person." Renjun cringes just thinking about it.

"Anyone who doesn't appreciate it is the wrong person," Jaemi straightaway snaps. A pensive look crosses her face. She places a finger on her chin and her elbow crushes the shiba's head. "You don't much flirt with me anymore. Which, by the way, I'm a little sad about. I remember when we first got lunch together - almost the first thing you did was compliment my bum." 

Renjun blanches.

"You were wearing butt padding!" she blabbers.

"And you complimented the whole bum." Jaemi sends her a wink. Renjun knows it's time to retreat. She thanks Jaemi again, assures her she'll be here to boost her confidence about her flat bum the next time she needs it, and is on her way.

Outside the sky is the deep violet of twilight. A spray of stars twinkles down upon them. This area is all red brick houses and narrow, tree-lined streets, the leaves of which are delicate and green. Dead blossoms litter the ground. Renjun reaches up to capture a thin, supple branch between her fingers. She has to be herself, she decides. She can't worry about if others think she's a flirt. In any case, she's not. And either way, if she tried to act differently around Jiseon, the girl would see straight through her. With a deep breath, she heads to her friend's house. (She hopes the tree spirits will give her good luck. Last time, they sent Jiseon to hug her when she was crying, so you never know).

Renjun does not want a hug from Park Jiseon. Park Jiseon is disgusting. Unable to keep this matter to herself a moment longer, Renjun carefully reaches from where she's standing just inside Jiseon's bedroom door to pluck the Sailor Uranus figure from her desk and launch it at Jiseon's head.

Jiseon is asleep, fully clothed on her unmade bed, using an old towel as a pillow. When Renjun had knocked on the front door, she found Chenle excitedly helping Jiseon's mum pound ingredients in a bowl that looked like it was made for a military kitchen it was so expansive. Jiseon had gone to clean her room after an extra maths class, Mrs. Park explained. But, being Jiseon, she'd had a kip instead. _Since you're here now, she has to join the land of the living. Go wake her up, would you, Love_?

It's been a while since Renjun was in Jiseon's room. She feels like, during that time, the mess has only multiplied, spread, probably gained a low level of sentience. Seeing how Sailor Uranus colliding with her face barely elicited a twitch, Renjun hops over the toys and laundry scattered across the carpet, and hurls herself at the sleeping girl. Without forethought, she straddles Jiseon and presses down on her stomach. The girl wheezes and coughs herself awake.

"You. Get up so I can eat dumplings." 

Renjun watches her struggle to wake up. How she opens her eyes wide, then scrunches them up again. She presses her palms into her eye sockets and then... Then her hands land on Renjun's thighs. And Renjun's brain has a minor short circuit.

Reasonably speaking, Renjun's the one who just straddled her, so Jiseon's hand on her thighs shouldn't be anything remarkable. Reasonably speaking, Jiseon isn't awake enough to know what she's doing - and even if she were it wouldn't matter, because what's a hand on a thigh between friends? Nevertheless, Jiseon's growth spurts aren't just making her taller. The rest of her is bigger too. And the broad palms, the warm weight on her, how Renjun's rarely-seen-the-light-of-day thighs look tiny in Jiseon's hold, how she hadn't noticed how much her skirt had ridden up until she felt the rough pad of Jiseon's thumb unconsciously rubbing circles on her bare skin... Renjun is blushing a lot.

"Oh, Renjunnie. Ah! Is it late?" the girl croaks, voice hoarse from sleep. Renjun is blushing more.

She hastily clambers off the teenager and sits, straight backed, on her bed.

"Your mum and Chenle are just throwing the dumplings on now. We should go down." 

Jiseon rolls herself into a seated position, scratching her head and making her bed hair even worse. Renjun's fingers itch to fix it - but she holds back, clutching her knees. Not the time, definitely not the time.

" Your mum said you came up to clean. Why did you sleep instead? I'm not sure I want to take you out anymore. How can you be such a slob?" 

"I did clean. Then I slept. I can multitask." Jiseon's voice is still groggy. It makes something tremble in Renjun's gut - something she ignores with practised ease.

"You're really telling me you cleaned? When that pile of laundry is my waist height? And-" She surveys the room for the most egregious filth. Her eyes land on Jiseon's desk where her telescope stands. It's a child's toy, never much use and mostly kept for ornament. Currently, a black lace bra is hanging on it. "And you have underwear on your telescope? What the heck, Jiseonnie?"

"That's there for a reason."

Renjun cocks an eyebrow at her. Jiseon cocks one back as if _Renjun_ is the one being a buffoon.

"It's clean. I wanted to remember to wear it. By the way, face the door." 

"Excuse me?" Renjun scoffs. Jiseon ordering her about is one thing, but doing so in her sexy sleep voice feels really beyond the pale.

"I want to get changed. I only put this on to clean," she says, tugging at the bobbled old sweatshirt and shorts she's wearing. She slides off the bed and stands, stretching her long, strong arms above her head, curving her back cat-like, till her joints crack.

"I can just go," Renjun begins to say, but Jiseon catches Renjun's hand in hers and whines, 

"No, stay. Talk to me. I might really fall asleep again otherwise." She drops the girl's hand and makes her way around the hazardous floor to her wardrobe - grabbing the telescope bra along the way. "Have you been to Jaemi's already? Did you find shoes?" 

So Renjun sits, and faces the door, and rambles about shoes. She pretends not to hear the rustle and snap of fabrics and refuses to dwell on how this fits into the her being a flirt with Jiseon hypothesis.

"Will I do? Do I look mature?" the teenager asks, stepping in front of her. Renjun looks up. Jiseon's legs look longer than usual in tight black jeans. She's wearing a pretty vest - black and grey with spaghetti straps and pretty little flowers on the scoop neckline - and a white shirt open, hanging loose on her shoulders. It's her usual style but a shade more feminine and expensive. And yes, she does look mature.

"I suppose, for a baby," Renjun allows. For a moment afterwards, she's filled with intense regret - that was rude, she'll make Jiseon feel bad when the girl's honestly trying to do her a favour. The moment flutters away when Jiseon replies, 

"Say that again without blushing." 

"We're still not eating dumplings," Renjun complains, crossing her arms, "What's up with that?" 

The aroma of her mum's cooking greets them as soon as they exit her bedroom. Jiseon feels the girl beside her vibrating in anticipation. Jiseon's mum's dumplings are good. However, for some reason, the Chinese girls have a particular fascination with them that borders on addiction.

"Let's go before Chenle hoovers everything up," she comments, grinning at the excited girl beside her. How can Renjun call her a baby when she's like this?

As they make their way downstairs, Renjun's thick plait bounces behind her. Jiseon likes it, she decides. Despite the fact that she wants to undo it, just to run her fingers through Renjun's soft hair, feeling it untangle at her touch. Despite this, she likes the plait on her. It meant Jiseon could clearly see her friend's soft cheeks and how - who knows why - she was blushing before Jiseon had even woken up. Her face was prettily flushed again when Jiseon stood in front of her in her fanciest jeans and lucky bra.

Jiseon smiles again, remembering it. (Chenle pokes her with a fork handle for being weird). For the first time since she understood what the older girls were trying to do, the thought of the party doesn't make Jiseon's stomach lurch (much). She's even looking forward to it.


	7. 轟趴

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter: Renjun is a misandrist, Rensung party, Lucia just loves love, and Renjun is kind of a tool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ridiculously long wait ;; I was having some trouble with the last couple of chapters so wanted to make sure I'd written significantly ahead before posting this.
> 
> Two new names, Kahei is Vivi from Loona's real name, Tae-I is Taeil.

On Friday afternoon, Renjun is wandering out of a lecture on medieval art, making small talk with one of her coursemates, when a boy she's never spoken to stops her on the stairs. They share the lecture with students from various departments, so that's not so unusual. Her coursemate waves goodbye and dashes off to the nearest café. The boy, arrogantly curious, asks her,

"Is it right you're going to be at Subinnie's party? What's up with that? Don't get me wrong, I just want to know from an analytical perspective how that came about and..." 

Renjun tunes him out at 'analytical perspective'. Gosh, she hates men. From the initial prying look in his eyes (and his unshaven neck) she'd suspected she'd dislike him. Now she suspects he proclaims himself a feminist on his Tinder page and watches barely legal "lesbian" porn.

"She's taken anyway, if you didn't know. So I'm curious what your angle on this is, Renjun-ah."

"So am I," she snaps. How can he use such informal language with her? He ought to call her Miss and kiss her toes, if he _must_ speak to her at all. Horrid, boys are all horrid.

"What's that?" 

"Taken," she explains brusquely, "Now, if you would move a little I could get by."

And she brushes past him, ignoring the drizzle outside and the protests from her stomach, and makes straight for the riverbank and the old trees.

Her feet are wet. The drizzle is gathering into a full-on rain shower, she doesn't have her umbrella, and she really ought to make a run for it - speed to the studio and dry off while she works. She doesn't. 

Crouching low on the leaf-strewn ground, arms wrapped around her knees, she watches the spring's white-foamed water careering its way to the river. She breathes in the mouldering leaves, the damp bark, the life unfurling beneath the soil. She wore her long, butterfly blue cargo pants for the first time in months today, along with a favorite pair of old trainers. So not just her feet are wet, but it's creeping its way up her ankles, making her shiver from her toes to her skull. She said she was taken. That means a rumour is spreading even as she hides here, contemplating the raging little stream and the scent of decay.

Her phone vibrates in the pocket at her calf. Realising she's cutting off the blood supply, she forces herself up and hops around, enduring the pins and needles while she retrieves her phone and, after several tries, unlocks it.

[From Jiseon:  
[🌹🗡️ or 💀 👑?] 

Renjun blinks at the screen, then owlishly at her surroundings. The Sun is setting. Golden light is spraying through the myriad raindrops, drenching the world - right through to Renjun's hideaway - in a warm glow. She hadn't noticed the time. Jiseon's out of school already.

[What?] 

[Pick one. Buying an outfit 🕶️] 

[Don't spend too much 😡] 

[Wasn't planning to. Pick one!] 

[🌹🗡️] 

[😍] 

Pocketing her phone, Renjun races to the studio, splashing across the grass. When she arrives, she's soaked up to her knees and her bleached hair is clinging to her skin. Ryujin and Yeji are already there, molding a fourth arm to their sculpture, and greet her a friendly hello.

The weather's cleared up by Saturday evening. Renjun is waiting at a bus stop, feeling self-conscious in her dress and boots. Jiseon's getting a ride out of town, then they'll walk the last couple of minutes to Subin's dorm. But she's late. Of course she is. Renjun pouts at her warped reflection in the glass shelter, resisting the urge to toy with her hair. Donghui plaited it, then drew it into a bun, pinned with a silver clasp dotted with pink pearls. Frankly, Renjun does not understand the mechanics of this hairstyle nor how to fix it if anything goes wrong.

A car pulls up and Jiseon's lanky self tumbles out. At last, Renjun finds out what the emojis were for. She's dressed in pretty black boots with a small heel and tight black jeans that hug her curves. There are small rips at the knees and an eye-catching tattoo-like design of red roses and a sword. The black and gold top is new, Renjun thinks, with the same white shirt from the other night over the top, partly buttoned and half tucked in to show her narrow waist.

"Do I look like your girlfriend?" 

Renjun peers up to check if she's teasing. But Jiseon mostly just looks shy. So she catches Jiseon's sleeve, let's the girl envelop Renjun's hand in hers and says,

"Yeah, you'll do. Let's go, it's cold." 

And Jiseon smiles so wide it makes a giggle erupt from Renjun's belly.

Things are different in the rich kids' dorm, Renjun is reminded. They're in the lift going up when the reverberating din of the party begins to reach them - but no security guard or whoever seem inclined to comment. They reach Subin's floor, and Renjun sees the door is ajar, letting guests come and go as they please. The pounding music hits her, the smell of cigarettes and booze and too many people. This was a terrible idea. Jiseon's right. She's so stupid. Why did she say yes?

The girl's arm slips around her waist. Jiseon squeezes her a little closer and asks, 

"Can I drink?" 

Renjun contemplates the sort of people who are likely to be inside.

"I wouldn't," she says, "I wouldn't trust them to not put… Look, unnie will get you something and you just keep an eye on it. Okay?" 

"Renjunnie's the best." 

"Call me unnie," she growls as they enter the dorm. But Jiseon just laughs, not letting go of her waist.

Inside it's tightly packed and airless. They make their way to the kitchen without seeing anyone they both recognise and want to talk to you. Renjun gets them drinks herself (a breezer for herself and a coke with the minutest splash of vodka for Jiseon). There's a couple making out against the side of the fridge, so they don't stay long. Renjun leans on Jiseon's shoulder to speak close to her ear, 

"I want to say hi to Lucia, but she hasn't answered her messages in a while." 

"Will we look for her?" 

Renjun nods and holds Jiseon's elbow. Jiseon really might get lost this time. Or Renjun might. Or anyway, she's not sure what to do with herself when she has a girl this cute on her arm.

The apartment is huge. Several bedrooms, two bathrooms, separate kitchen and dining area and a spacious, airy sitting room. A few people catch their eye as they circulate, looking for their friend. Some wave or smile. More smile in the most disingenuous way conjurable then snigger amongst themselves. One girl has the temerity to point, gag, and then lean on her boyfriend as if in a mild faint. Renjun makes a show of giving her an up-down, then, with a contemplative sort of leer, whisper into Jiseon's ear. What she says to Jiseon is actually, "Do you smell candy corn? I want some!," but she knows that's not where that girl's mind will go.

In fact, Jiseon pulls her nearer by the waist and answers, lips brushing her ear, "Not sure, but shall we get some after? This party's lame." 

Renjun can't seem to make her voice work all of a sudden, so she only nods, bashful smile spreading to the tips of her ears.

There are, she reminds herself, very practical reasons why Jiseon has barely let go of her since they came inside. It's a sea of people, the music is deafening, Jiseon is scared of crowds at the best of times, and this isn't somewhere either of them would like to get lost in. But her body doesn't know that. Her body just knows the a pretty, strong, tall girl who acts like Renjun's soft butch dream is holding her close and whispering in her ear. It's confusing. Renjun repeats, as she always does, that Jiseon is her cute little sister. But with the alcohol on her lips and Chenle's words from the other day in her head, she has to iterate it a few dozen more times than usual for it to have the same effect.

They escape the hall-like living area and slip out into a wide corridor. The music is relatively quiet - a blessed relief, Jiseon had been getting a headache. The air is less smoky too, although Jiseon smells something interesting from one of the rooms nearby. She lets go of Renjun's waist, unclear exactly how permitted that behaviour is, but catches her hand. There are still people scattered everywhere they could trip over. And she's still Renjun's girlfriend for the night. Jiseon may be too useless to do anything about her feelings, but she has blanket hand-holding permission tonight - she's pretty sure - and Lord knows she plans to make use of it.

There's a bike affixed to the wall, a shelf filled with shoes, another with books and someone's satchel. Someone's exercise band is lying on the floor. For no obvious reason, a cat box and a half-full sack of dog food are standing outside one door. (And Jiseon ponders how this place honestly doesn't have the MTV Cribs vibe she'd been lowkey hoping for). Thereaare people - perching on cabinets, leaning against the wall, sitting on the floor, legs stretched out - and she and Renjun are two girls unused to heels. Progress is slow. They're just treading carefully past a particular group of people sitting together chattering, when a boy stands up and grabs Renjun's arm.

"Hey, Renjun-ah! You did come after all. And this is your girl of the month, I presume." 

His eyes travel up Jiseon. They linger on her chest, or lack thereof. Either way, it feels like he only half-sees her. His hand is still around Renjun's arm and Jiseon's not sure what to do about that. Renjun is more than capable of looking after herself, all 150 cm of her. So for now Jiseon only waits, guarded.

"I'm here. And yes, this is my girlfriend," Renjun answers, firm. She draws her arm out of his hold. Only, then his hand finds its way to her shoulder, and he's leaning his bulk on her as if he could physically pressure her into finding him charming. Still, Jiseon's scared to overstep. For all she knows these two are friends normally, and she's reading the situation wrongly because she's the lovesick, protective fool that she is.

"You two should join my companions and I -" 

Jiseon doesn't register much of what he says after that. She's aware of Renjun leaning fractionally into her space. Her hand moves before her brain can catch up confounding her with doubts. Gliding down the dress' cool silk, the curve of Renjun's waist, settling on her tiny hips.

"We have to find our friend," she blabs. Then they're gone, stumbling down the hall, looking drunk.

"Thanks. I hate him," Renjun mutters close to Jiseon's neck. The hairs on her nape stand up. There's a fire in her bones and gosh, she likes it.

The door is open a crack and there's rap music and the smell of chocolate muffins emanating from the next room they check. Lucia is inside having an intense game of Uno with a boy Jiseon doesn't recognise. The boy isn't tall, perhaps the same height as (admittedly gazelle-like) Lucia and no more. He's slim with a pinched, handsome face. Jiseon has an idea he might be a runner, just judging by his build and the ropy arm muscles showing under his T-shirt. His look of deep concentration melts when he smiles, greeting Renjun warmly. The three exchange words in rapid Mandarin after which, alarmingly, Renjun facepalms with a very audible smack.

"Hey, Jiseonnie! So we're playing and," Lucia summarises with her patchy Korean, "We're gonna playing, and this didi... if he lose, he's gonna be my baby daddy." 

"What!?" the boy yelps, "That's not it!" he says to Jiseon before crying the same in Mandarin to Lucia. Enjoying herself excessively, Lucia laughs and puts down a draw four. The boy glowers at it. Chuckling, Jiseon glances to Renjun. The girl is scanning around for a place to sit. The options are essentially a stool like Lucia and her boy have, a bean bag, or the floor. Jiseon realises that Renjun's violet dress, whilst being so pretty it makes Jiseon want to weep, is also kind of impractical. So, following an instinct, she does something brave. Braver than when she taught herself to backflip. Braver than when she was 10 and got lost at that street festival and had to find her way to the information booth despite the throngs of strangers making her panic and sob. Jiseon takes the stool and tugs Renjun down to sit on her knee. She links her arms loosely around the older girl, heart in her mouth. Renjun doesn't relax at first, body stiff like a doll. Maybe it only lasts a moment, but it's a moment in which Jiseon is all but ready to flee the country.

But Renjun does relax, exhalation tickling the crown of Jiseon's head, her arm around Jiseon's shoulders, the weight of her so impossibly light and warm in Jiseon's space. At their card table, Lucia and her boy continue their game, not knowing at all that Jiseon is experiencing one of the most precious moments in her young life.

It's on both their minds that they can't stay long. When Yuqi, Lucia's target, admits his crushing defeat at the Uno duel, Lucia wants to get drinks and dance. Renjun and Jiseon go with them, chatting about this and that. Actually, Yuqi is pretty interested in Jiseon, asking her all kinds of questions about dance and school and how long she's known Renjun. It's making Renjun nervous. Not because of Yuqi - he's funny and sweet, and if he ever did put a foot wrong around Renjun's important dongsaeng, she trusts Lucia to verbally smack some sense into him. No, it's because whilst she'd wanted Subin's set to see her out and about, unbothered and with a pretty girl, Renjun had studiously avoided contemplating the gossiping powers of the Chinese Students Association. Right now only a few people know why she's there with Jiseon and how it's all a stupid fake. But now Yuqi's seen her... He'll tell Shuhua for sure. Probably Kahei. And if any of them mention it to Henrietta or Lucia it'll all come out that this is fake. They'll all know. They'll probably think she's horrible for concocting a fake girlfriend for such an asinine reason, for dragging soft-hearted Jiseonnie into this. They'll probably be completely correct.

She's fretting about these things as they pick their way through the living area back to the kitchen, Jiseon's hand lightly on her back in case her inexperienced feet stumble in her heels. She's fretting to the extent that she's unconsciously tugging at the loose strands of hair at her nape. She doesn't notice what she's doing until she accidentally unpins a lock of hair and it unfurls over her shoulder.

"Oh!" The halt in her steps makes Jiseon look down at her. "Donghui will kill me, I messed up her art piece," she says twining the stray lock of soft golden hair between two fingers.

"I don't think she'll mind," Jiseon replies. Despite the blaring music and raucous partygoers all around, Jiseon's words reach her just fine, as if they were transmitted through space on a frequency designed solely for reception by Huang Renjun. "You're still pretty." Her hand covers Renjun's for a breath, then she's tucking the stray hair behind Renjun's ear, a smile on her face like she's looking at someone precious. Renjun's head feels full of bubbles.

Lucia and Yuqi have just walked on, but Renjun doesn't seem to care so neither does Jiseon. She thinks Renjun's tipsy. The girl has one hand sort of fisted in Jiseon's shirt to support herself and she's gazing at Jiseon with this soft look that the teenager doesn't know how to read. (It's likely 'my, aren't you a good little sister'. That's what it usually is in the end). The moment drags a little too long and, panicking, blood rushing to her cheeks, Jiseon blurts out, 

"Do you want to dance?" 

She feels exposed. The question sounded normal enough in her head, but as soon as the words came out she felt transparent, on full display to the world - or, at least, to Renjun. Like if the Chinese girl stares a fraction longer she'll see it all - see Jiseon's useless heart broadcasting how much she cares for Huang Dumbass Renjun into the void of space for any intelligent life forms to hear and make due note of.

Renjun leans into her, one arm sneaking around Jiseon's shoulders. The other reaches up, pale fingers gliding through Jiseon's hair, brushing the shell of her ear, and, 

"Ow!" 

,tugging hard on her earlobe. Renjun smiles, pleased at the teenager's frowning face, Jiseon's nose scrunched up in displeasure.

"Yeah, let's dance," she agrees, moving away from Jiseon. Her fingers that had just been giving her date severe heart palpitations, find Jiseon's and hook together, "Then let's just head, yeah?" 

Jiseon grunts an agreement and leads the tottering girl to the center of the room where couples and a few groups of girls are throwing themselves around to a mix of mostly American pop.

She's not used to dancing with somebody like this. Just the two of them in a cramped space. The song is pretty - it's some female singer with a haunting, high-pitched voice - but though Jiseon can't understand much of the lyrics, she's pretty sure they're filthy. She links her arms around Renjun's waist and tries not to think too much.

"I can't dance like Jiseonnie," Renjun comments with a grin. Her hands are resting on Jiseon's upper arms. Another lock of hair has come loose, falling over her cheeks. Renjun's eyes flutter when Jiseon brushes it aside careful not to touch her too much.

"Why do you say stuff like that, like you can't dance?" Jiseon jokingly replies after a long pause, "You did ballet for years, clearly you can dance."

Renjun scoffs and hits Jiseon's chest.

"I've forgotten it all, haven't I? Except standing en pointe? Maybe, I think I can still do that?" 

Jiseon doesn't know why Renjun keeps phrasing this as a question. Jiseon doesn't know the answer and would be perfectly happy to remain ignorant if it meant keeping Renjun in her arms. But the Chinese girl steps away from her. She raises herself up on her toes, a look of concentration on her face, thin arms above her head. Lights reflect in her dark eyes, on the silver clasp in her feather-soft hair. Her chest rises and falls in the tight bodice of her dress, the soft silk and lace a contrast to the tautness of her muscles. Her lean legs hold her so perfectly in space, like a star that's burst into life.

Then she falls forward, against Jiseon's chest, back into the girl's arms.

"Told you I could," Renjun smirks up at her triumphantly.

"Maybe don't do that in your heels next time," Jiseon rolls her eyes, heartbeat racing.

They dance a while longer. Not really dance, just sway. But it's nice. This whole evening has been about ten thousand times better than Renjun had anticipated. She's terribly thankful to Jiseon for that, but she's not sure how to express as much. They don't say things like that to each other. They can talk about everything under the heavens and beyond - like wormholes and the death of stars, psychic phenomena and the proof of the supernatural. Yet Renjun can't think how to tell her a genuine, heartfelt thank you and have Jiseon know that she really really means it. She groans, frustrated, against the nearest surface. Which happens to be Jiseon's collarbone.

"You good?" Jiseon checks, a stray squeak in her voice. She squeezes Renjun's waist a little to get her attention.

"'m fine," she responds, too embarrassed to lift her head. (In any case, as is a tall soft butch's duty, Jiseon's chest is remarkably comfortable. Renjun supposes that, should Jiseon turn out to like girls, she'd make someone a really good girlfriend one day). The teenager just chuckles at her, the sound a vibration that Renjun seems to feel deep in her heart. She pouts at nothing - she's only had two crappy drinks, but they've evidently gotten to her. Why does she have to be such a lightweight? She used to figure it was just because she's small of stature and shrug it off. But then she saw what 4 foot 10 Tae-I unnie could do with a naggin of vodka and now she's somewhat put out to have been made this way.

"Do you want to greet Subin?" Jiseon asks softly, leaning close to be heard, her breath in Renjun's hair.

"Hm? Why bring her up suddenly?" Renjun questions, reluctantly lifting her head to look up at her date.

"Cos she's right there," Jiseon replies, jerking her head to the side, "And it is her party and all." 

"No," Renjun concludes after a moment's hesitation, "Why spoil a good evening? Hey, stay still a sec." 

An eyelash is on Jiseon's cheek. Renjun reaches up to get it. Woozy as she is, she has to concentrate on this action. Being as she's concentrating, she misses how Jiseon's eyes go wide, how the girl's breath catches in her throat.

"Got it!" she announces, holding her index finger out, the lost eyelash on the tip, "Make a wish." 

"Oh," Jiseon sighs. She holds Renjun's wrist as she blows it away.

"What did you wish for?" Renjun asks excitedly. Their hands drop and Renjun links their fingers together. Seeing the teenager huff and refuse to answer, she nudges her hip, 

"Baby," she teases. "Do you want to go? It's getting late." 

Jiseon just shrugs, a pretty, shy smile on her face. They make their way hand-in-hand from the dorm and the rowdy party. A few pairs of eyes watch them leave, but neither girl notices.

Renjun buys them ice creams at a convenience store (to say thank you she says, although Jiseon's not sure how that works when she's buying herself the same thing. Isn't it just that Renjun wanted ice cream?) then they hail a taxi back. They let the driver drop them at the end of Jiseon's street and Renjun walks her up the lane to her home. It's past midnight, Renjun points out, and if Jiseon's mum happens to be in a killing mood Renjun insists she wants to be there to take the heat.

As they ambel up to the narrow lane, the scent of magnolias in the air, most of the houses are silent and veiled in shadows at this time. Renjun is rambling. She said that she's thankful a few times already, and that she couldn't have done it without Jiseon. But Jiseon happens to think Huang Renjun can do anything in the world, so she doesn't respond. She's thinking about holding Renjun's hand. The date's over, so she's not sure she should. Renjun's hand is right there. She really wants to hold it. To breathe warmth into her fingers. She really wants her.

"We're here." 

Jiseon forces herself back to reality. She watches Renjun bite a piece of her ice cream bar then shiver.

"Why did you buy ice cream when you didn't even bring a jacket? You're cold." 

Renjun sticks her chest out and raises her chin, like the kitten arching its back and feeling like a lioness.

"You didn't bring one either. That shirt is paper thin - you're cold too I'll bet." 

"Yeah, otherwise I could offer it to you. Look, Mum's not up. You don't have to come in." 

"What?" 

Renjun's deep black eyes are wide and Jiseon doesn't quite understand why. There are goosebumps on the girl's shoulders and she'd so like to do something about that. But again, the date's over already.

"The house's - it's dark," she explains, voice faltering, "So Mum must not be up." 

"No, not that." 

"What?" 

Renjun's fingers bunch Jiseon's shirt like she had earlier. She leans up on her tiptoes. Sugared lips kiss Jiseon's mouth. It's so swift, like a passing dream.

"Night. Thanks again. You're a good friend." She bites another piece off her ice cream and goes. The street lights cast a shimmering glow on her violet dress as she flits away from Jiseon's hold.

  
Renjun spends Sunday in the studio and in the library. Her phone's muted most of the day. When she does answer her messages, she's too mentally drained to be anything other than straightforward. The party was okay. Yes, she went with Jiseon. Yes, she made sure Jiseonnie got home safely. No, they're not a 'thing'.

Quite a few people ask her that last one. Even friends who ought to know better, like Winnie and Henrietta. It's so frustrating. She just wanted the nasty rumours spread by Subin's crew to fade away. Are her friends now spreading a new one? She hopes it doesn't end up making Jiseon uncomfortable.

Speaking of, that evening she sends the teenager a link to a podcast she's found about the Knights Templar. The next morning she gets an emoji in return. Jiseon's not always talkative, so Renjun chooses not to think too much about it. Before she knows it, it's lunch time. Renjun makes her way to the cafeteria to locate her friends - two of whom are notably absent.

"Where are Jaemi and my roommate?" she enquires, setting her heavy bag down and squeezing in beside Jeno on the bench.  
May and Donghui cease their conversation (bickering) and Jeno blinks wide puppy eyes at her a couple of times. Renjun feels like she's committed some obscure faux pas.

"Lele and Nana have something to talk about," Jeno states carefully, pulling at the strings of her Slayer hoodie.

"What... What sort of something?" Okay, Renjun thinks, it's definitely not just in her head. They're all three observing her strangely.

"What sort of thing would you guess?" Jeno asks. Renjun just shrugs, turning her palms up in defeat. Obviously this is the wrong response, because Jeno directs a devastating pout towards the table top. Renjun is at a loss for how to respond. Their bubble of silence is heavy and awkward. Thankfully, May saves her.

"Listen, Renjunnie. Have you been watching The Tale of Nokdu?" she asks. When Renjun shakes her head, she immediately tsks, "Then you're useless to me." 

"You're not useless, Injunnie," Donghui asserts with a smirk, "I would never call you useless." 

"You've called me useless on more than one occasion," Renjun counters, crossing her arms in front of her chest. The sleeves of her sweater are designed to be long on regular sized people. On Renjun they are somewhat problematic - when she crosses her arms, one sleeve smacks her softly in the face. (At least it makes Jeno break out of her pout and giggle fondly at her).

"That was all in the past," Donghui coos, "You know I only say such things in jest because truly I love you second most in the whole entire world." ("Who's first?" May asks, but Donghui blithely ignores her).

"Fine fine," Renjun groutches, though she might be smiling just a little bit at her friend's over the top ways, "What about this drama?" 

"Well, look. Let Maymay unnie tell you about this theory she has, okay? And then I'll clear up why she's talking crazy." 

"Renjunnie. My girl," May begins, thoughtfully waving a chip in the air as she talks, "You know I only spit straight facts, right? So here's how it is." 

In this way Renjun spends her lunch, listening to May and Donghui's theories about characters she doesn't even know and letting Jeno doodle cats on her knee and put little braids in her hair. She expected them to be more keen to grill her about the party. However, she isn't keen herself to go over things, so she doesn't bring it up. She's just about forgotten that weird awkward moment earlier, until she gets home. Chenle is waiting for her on the couch.

"Jie, can we talk?" 

Renjun goes to sit beside her straight away, hugging her backpack on her lap.

"Of course. What's up, Meimei? Are you in trouble?"

"Not me, Jie. You." 

And this is when, two days late, Renjun finally finds out just how badly she's screwed up. 


	8. 妳喜歡她

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I call this the intervention chapter.

"What do you mean she likes me?" 

Renjun has procured hot oolong tea, her favourite shawl to wrap around herself and play with the fringed ends, and she's sitting comfortably, crossed legged on their old sofa. Yet she still can't make this conversation make sense. It can't be how Chenle is saying. It just can't.

"What do you mean what do I mean?" Chenle questions, coming back into the room with a plate of rice crackers and a tin of tuna paste. Exasperation is leaking into her voice. Renjun expects that's the cause of this sudden snacking. She watches her roommate snap a cracker in half and use it to scoop out a dollop of pink, pungent goo, before ramming the whole thing into her mouth in one go. Gracefully hiding her mouth behind her hand, Chenle repeats, "She likes you," distracting Renjun from her disgust, "I promised I wouldn't say anything. I'm breaking that promise now. But... But I really thought if you two had a date it could fix things. I didn't imagine she'd end up so hurt over it all." 

Renjun grabs a dry rice cake from Chenle's plate and nibbles it anxiously.

"She was really crying?" Her words come out tiny. Jiseon doesn't cry often. When she does she hates people to see. But Chenle is telling her tall, strong, beautiful, funny Jiseon was blubbing in Jaemi's arms. Renjun squirms in her seat, binding the woolen shawl tighter around her shoulders. Chenle sighs and repeats it all. How Jiseon had been more or less mute after their date, not even appearing online. She'd replied monosyllabically to a few texts from Chenle and Jeno, but that was about it. Taking it upon herself to fix matters, Jaemi had gone over at 11 p.m. on Sunday, insisting to Jiseon's mum that her daughter had just asked for help with the chemistry homework, nothing at all to worry about. Jiseon's mum's concerns dispersed by Jaemi's white-toothed, dazzling smile, the girl moseyed upstairs and trapped the teenager in a hug until she told her everything.

"You must have suspected she really likes you. Why else would we have wanted her to go with you? Why else would she have agreed?" 

Renjun can't answer. Moments keep flashing into her head all out of order, carrying a whole new weight. Jiseon pulling her away from that creep. Jiseon's big hands holding her waist impossibly gently whilst they danced. Jiseon hugging her when she cried. _It's pretty. You're pretty_.

"Oh God," Renjun brings the shawl up to cover her face. She'd really come up with every explanation but the one staring her in the face. "I shouldn't have kissed her." 

"You certainly shouldn't have friendzoned her straight after," Chenle remarks, rubbing the older girl's back.

Renjun, head between her knees now, takes a deep, calming breath. She snaps up, tossing the shawl aside and hitting her thighs with balled fists to show she is done with wallowing.

"I'll fix it. I'll fix this right now." 

She heaves her bag up off the floor and sets about rummaging for her phone. But Chenle's hands cover hers.

"Sleep on it," she orders, gaze steady.

"What? Why?" Renjun protests. Chenle doesn't let her hands go.

"Because, she begins, chewing her lips, eyes drifting around the room, "Jiseon is sensitive right now. Right? And so are you. And maybe you should decide exactly what you want to say first. It's already late anyway. So just... Just think about you what you want first, so you can't put your foot in it, Jie."

Chenle relinquishes her hands. She watches for Renjun's response. She has to admit, Chenle has a point. What's she going to say now? Send poor Jiseon a txt? _soz for kissing u, hope we're still cool?_ At the very least she needs more advice. She promises Chenle she won't do anything just yet.

Lying in bed that night, she thinks about being pulled onto Jiseon's lap, the vibration of her laughter, her eyes crinkling like folded wings when she smiled up at Renjun. It'd be so nice to like her back.

They're all there already at lunch the next day, crowding around a too small table like ever. (Even Chenle's there, snuggling under Donghui's arm to show her something, when this is one of the days the younger usually prefers to lunch with her other friends or just spend the time online). Renjun whimpers. She's not terribly keen on discussing this with everyone all at once. Nonetheless, she yanks the straps of her backpack and marches over. Chenle is right - she's been oblivious, her friends have been scheming, and it's about time people started being upfront.

"You still haven't fixed things with my baby," Jaemi asserts before Renjun has even sat down. Very upfront indeed.

"Lele suggested I sleep on it," Renjun defends herself, kicking her bag into place below her seat with a little more force than necessary, "I wanted to drink from the font of your wisdom first." 

Jaemi takes a thoughtful slurp on her coal-black coffee, then points a bag of mini pretzels at her.

"Flattery will get you everywhere." 

Taking a few of the cracked up snacks and arranging them on her palm, Renjun enquires if everyone knows what happens. Chenle and Jaemi openly admit that they didn't see any reason to hold back from filling May and Donghui in on the details once Renjun knew. And Jeno, naturally, takes it as read that her best friend fills her in on absolutely everything eventually.

"We heard you kissed the girl, homo no-homoed her, and sent her a conspiracy podcast," May summarises. Renjun can't tell from her tone how much she's joking or how much she's genuinely disappointed in Renjun. When Renjun hears it put like that she's pretty disappointed in herself.

"She likes conspiracy podcasts. She asked me about that one herself," Renjun half-heartedly argues, but the raised eyebrow Donghui shoots her is all it takes for Renjun to retreat to glumly arranging the bits of pretzel into a star.

Jeno reaches around Jaemi's back to give Renjun's shoulder a squeeze. She squeezes several additional times - which is likely only partly to comfort her friend, and more because the big red jumper Renjun is wearing today is angora and, frankly, everyone who isn't hugging her is missing out. When a cough from May breaks Jeno out of her angora induced daze, she launches into delineating a plan. The plan involves Renjun skipping some studio time in order to get to Jeno and Jiseon's dance class before it ends. If she comes by the market, Jeno points out, eyes sparkling, Renjun can pick up Jiseon's favourite drink from the tea shop, and even violets - Jiseon's birth month flower - from the florist's. And Jeno will make sure Jiseon stays and doesn't rush off home, so Renjun won't have too many observers left when she - 

"Isn't that a bit much?" Renjun interrupts. She feels light headed, tying her jumper sleeves into knots. Five pairs of eyes gawk at her. Really though, Renjun doesn't see how she's the strange one here. "I mean, buying flowers and everything. Wouldn't it just get her hopes up? How am I going to give her flowers and then be like, 'you are an awesome little sister, you know?'" 

There is a collective intake of breath. The shocked silence holds for longer than Renjun can bear. She's so frustrated. She just wants to do the right thing. Yet her friends are reacting like she's confessed to a love of stomping on kittens and the music of Chris Brown.

May takes the initiative, 

"Am I understanding this?" she checks, clearing her throat, "You've had a whole night to consider things, and you've decided to reject her?" 

"Yes?" Renjun squeas, "What else can I do? She's just a little sister to me."

Renjun repeats that twice in her own head, just to confirm that it's true. Just a little sister. Definitely just a little sister. (Despite being really the best date Renjun's ever had). Beside her, Jaemi turns to Jeno.

"Hold me back," she instructs. Dutifully, Jeno bear hugs her best friend, resting her chin on Jaemi's shoulder whilst trapping the girl's arms at her side. "Wow," Jaemi entones turning back to Renjun, a crushing weight of disappointment compacted into that one syllable, "Just wow."

Less circumspect, Donghui pinches the bridge of her nose and groans,

"You are _such_ a lesbian, Renjunnie." 

Renjun tosses her hair back and sniffs.

"So are you. Lele is half a lesbian and our Jeno is straight with a big question mark afterwards. What about it?" 

Undeterred, Donghui sips May's fruit soda, then jerks the glass towards her as she counters,

"Not the point. And don't try to put the focus on our lesbifriend companions when this is about you and your alien girl." 

Before things can escalate (and Renjun is aware of the two girls beside her subtly shifting closer together and out of her personal space), May pats Donghui's arm and points out the time. It's almost half past - Donghui and Jaemi have to get to a class. As they're leaving, Jaemi tells Renjun to forget the rest and come over that night.

"Even if it's late, just come over whenever, okay?" 

After they're gone, May and Chenle make sterling work of leading the conversation to nice, neutral topics - like the New Year's party for the student council and an esports tournament Chenle is bribing Winnie to go to with her. Renjun picks at her lunch, leaning into Jeno's side, finding it simply impossible to relax.

She ought to be able to throw herself into other things after that. She has a class about Socialist Realism - and she's fairly certain she's the only one in there who actually gets a kick out of that topic. Subsequently, she's more or less free to work on her lithographs. Her beloved lithographs she's been working so hard on. Her intention had been to present a simple story about two girls playing in a forest. Except, now that she's printing, Renjun can'tddeny who they remind her of. One small, delicate girl with gossamer wings on her back, who tumbles down from the canopy. Another taller and elegant, but with eyes full of innocence, always gazing somewhere beyond, out to the stars. Renjun hadn't meant to do that. She doesn't much enjoy spending the afternoon printing out reminders of the girl she's hurt. She doesn't much enjoy realising she unconsciously based half her grade around her little sister whom she has to reject. Girls are terrible. Chiefly, her.

As she's cleaning up to head out that evening, Ryujin awkwardly compliment her work and Yeji offers her a red velvet Oreo. Renjun guesses that means she looks as bad as she feels. That said, the boys' efforts do make her smile and give her an energy boost for ringing Jaemi.

"Do you still want me to come over?" 

"Yeah, of course! Do, or your mum's a badger. I kidnapped your roommate, by the way. We're watching old Project Runway. Bring veg chips if you love us. Chenle says chocolate, but I'm intervening for the sake of her skin. Bring veg chips please and thanks."

"Someone's a demanding bitch tonight," Renjun snarks, knowing Jaemi won't take it seriously.

"I'm high maintenance, it's but one of my manifold charms. Anyway, this demanding bitch convinced Nono and Dongdongie to eat pizza with May and Jungwon-unnie instead of coming over. You should thank me." 

"I should?" 

"Yeah. You don't understand, but Nono's big sad you and Jiseon at the party didn't go down like Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet. (Just with no one dying. Hopefully, maybe). And our Donghui was hangry. She was going to snap your head off and spit it out." 

"Oh," Renjun quavers. She purchases half a dozen packs of vegetable chips before turning up at Jaemi's house.

As Renjun's toeing off her shoes in the hallway, Jaemi cooies down to her, leaning over the landing to wave. She waits at the top of the stairs, bouncing impatiently in her bunny socks, to gather all the chips from Renjun's arms once she's climbed up. 

"I knew you'd pull through. You're the only girl ever, Huang Renjun." 

"You know, that loses meaning when you say it to every girl you know," Renjun gripes. Jaemi just laughs and pecks her cheek. They walk into her room, Chenle mutes Tim Gunn, and - much sooner than she's ready for - Renjun's interrogation commences.

Sort of.

Perhaps she is being a touch dramatic. But it _is_ awkward and uncomfortable and makes her feel like the absolute worst unnie.

"How could you have missed that she likes you? It's hard to ignore."

Renjun tries to shoot back when did they see it, aren't they reinterpreting things? But Chenle and Jaemi don't relent.

_"She looks at you like your eyes contain galaxies. I didn't think bitches did that except in songs, but the more you know..._

_"She laughs at your jokes. Even the unspeakably bad ones, the ones not even Donghui-unnie bothers reacting to..._

_"When she went to Kyoto and brought you back that tea set. You know it wasn't cheap. You know it must have been difficult for the clumsiest girl in the world to bring that back in her luggage without smashing it. But she did it because it's in your favourite colour and has a little fox on the base..._

_"You must have thought._

Just to make them stop, Renjun blurts out,

"Fine. Fine, maybe I did. I might have wondered. But what would have been the use in talking about it? She's my little sister. I didn't want to hurt her." 

"You don't want to get hurt," Chenle mumbles. Renjun doesn't have an opportunity to snap 'what does that mean'. Jaemi declares, hands raised, palms out in front of her, 

"Henceforth you're banned from that." 

"From what?" Renjun retorts, chin raised.

"That word. The ell ess word. Use it again and I'm kicking you out and you'll never get the girl of your dreams." 

"The girl of my dreams doesn't want me. She invited me to her birthday party just to rub it in my face that she has a boyfriend and hates my guts." 

Jaemi glowers, icy cold. Chenle pats Renjun's knee. 

"On behalf of my roommate, I would like to strike Jie's last remark from the record." 

Jaemi huff's, primly tucking her blond fringe behind her ears.

"Fine," she relents, "Motion approved. Look, Renjunnie, I'm going to suggest something that may blow your mind. I'm going to suggest that Park Jiseon isn't just a little sister to you. You like her." 

"How is it you can use the word and I can't?" 

"Because my boudoir, my rules. Hush, Grasshopper." 

Thus cornered, Renjun listens while the TV flickers in the corner and Chenle and her collect all the beetroot chips into a pile of rejection. It turns out Lucia had not understood that whole 'she's only my date for the night' concept. That or she'd later gotten the wrong impression from how Renjun and Jiseon acted their roles that night. Because from how Jaemi's telling it, Lucia and her newly won boyfriend had gushed - about Jiseon pulling Renjun onto her lap, them cuddling on the stool (Renjun being sleepy and holding on because she didn't want to fall off, as Renjun does not get an opening to correct), them sharing jokes, whispering into the others ear, them dancing together, Jiseon supporting her when she was wobbly on her high heels.

"You're not a good actress, Jie," Chenle notes, "You're really gonna say you played along that well but don't like her at all?" 

Renjun says nothing. She can't. She stares at her hands lying limply in her lap, without seeing anything. What they're saying, it's everything she's been trying to shove out of her mind since that night. It's Jiseon's arms around her waist and sinking into the girl's touch. It's looking up into her eyes ringed with smudged makeup, her lips red, her smile sweet and tender and inviting...

"It's not just that, Jie. How many times have you stayed up until dawn just because you and Jiseonnie were chatting about psychometry or UFOs or reaching the stars or whatever your bullshit of the week is? My bedroom is next door to yours - I hear you when you're up at 4am arguing about werewolf sightings." 

Renjun bristles, but she doesn't truly take offense to Chenle's blunt phrasing. Chenle is a godforsaken skeptic, and Renjun has always considered that one of Jiseon's roles as the Shanghaier's best friend was to listen to Renjun's rants so that Chenle could be spared them. No - it's the accuracy of that arrow that makes Renjun want to shut them down. But without her usual 'little sister' mantra, she's tongue tied.

"How many times have you skipped other responsibilities to go watch her dance recital?" Jaemi agrees, "Remember that time you raced through your Korean midterm just to go buy her hot chocolate because she'd messed up in a competition and couldn't progress to the finals? Don't think we forgot, Madame Huang. Or hey, how about last summer, when her aunts had been having a go at her for not... Well, not dressing like me, and getting herself a boyfriend, and you took her clothes shopping the next day? That was real romantic, to be honest. If I were an emo soft butch I probably would have fallen for your charms too."

Chenle snorts. Renjun cringes. That day hadn't been good. Two of Jiseon's aunts had come over for tea. An older cousin had gotten engaged to her soldier boyfriend that week. That news seemed to have triggered a reaction in her aunts, heightened by their being together. They couldn't stop asking Jiseon why she couldn't try dressing prettier, like her neighbour; why she couldn't find a nice boy instead of spending all her free time chatting with the weird Chinese girl; if she has to dance, why couldn't she have stuck to ballet instead of that nasty street dance?

Jiseon had called Renjun that night and ended up sniffling down the line. Renjun took her to Hongdae the next day and bought her whatever she wanted - black jeans ripped to shreds, chunky rings with skulls and goblins, t-shirts with lurid designs that would make her aunts reach for their rosary beads, rainbow colored glittery makeup... Renjun finished that day broke, but with a very content dongsaeng who had renewed vim to practise for her next dance recital.

"Donghui came too," Renjun protests weakly.

"Because you dragged her along," Jaemi replies, not missing a beat.

The silence extends. It's snapped only by Chenle's appetite finally getting the better of her common sense as she sets into the despised beetroot chips. Chenle's head finds Renjun's shoulder. Jaemi's arm slinks around her waist.

"It's okay to like her. She's not a little dork anymore. She's a big, tall, gay dork. And she'll graduate in less than a year. And she really likes you, Injunnie. I promise. She's the last person in the world who'd hurt you. And it's... it's also okay if you decide you don't like her the same way. But for the sake of Jiseonnie, you need to be a bit more honest about everything, my friend." 

Chenle offers her a purple chip that Renjun is dejected enough to accept.

"I'll call her," she mumbles, "We'll meet up. I'll fix it."

Hearing her meek voice, Jaemi bites back the threat to disown Renjun if she dares hurt Jaemi's baby again. She hauls the petite girl into a hug and lets her rest in her arms, stewing under her own cloud.


	9. 月光

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the song that's mentioned. I recommend listening to it as you read :)  
> [yt link](https://youtu.be/Vo3JznMhpWc)

Renjun thinks about texting her. Oh boy does she think about it. But there's so much to say, the majority of which she shouldn't be saying over text. _Hey what's up? I'm not sure but maybe I kind of fancy you a little. I heard i made you cry, lame ️☹️_ She's so bad at this part. She wishes sometimes that she were a bit more like Donghui. Snarky wench Donghui may be, but at least she's able to do the whole expressing her feelings bit. She even had the courage to confess to May, knowing it wouldn't turn into the gay fairy story of her dreams.

Renjun lets all these thoughts stymie her from doing anything. Despite her best intentions, the day flits by, the sunlight bleeds from the sky, and Renjun still hasn't fixed this thing.

She's walking home from the library, chewing miserably on stale conbini kimbab. The evening is dark and calm, the rustling of leaves and the soft noises of birds and dryads hidden in the foliage accompany her as she takes her favourite route home. The weather earlier suddenly cleared up leaving the night sky like black velvet. She peers up to the heavens and notices a triangle of lights - the crescent moon, a piercingly bright Jupiter, and the golden shine of Venus. She'd forgotten that was happening, what's wrong with her?

Without noticing, her steps have halted. She's just gazing at the meeting of stars, at the subtle colors in the lights they reflects down to a shithead like her.

Her phone is in her hands. She feels a wave of nausea as she realises what she's about to do. A deep breath, and she does it anyway.   
Jiseon-ah, look at the sky  
In the SW, you can see Venus and Jupiter

I know, renjunnie 😊  
I'm looking at them now  
the sky is clear tonight, huh 

Call me sister 😡  
and yeah it's so pretty ️ ☹️

Renjun tries not to dwell on how they were looking at the same sky, how they'd been stargazing at the same moment. (How the meaningless twinkling balls of rock and gas in the sky has made her think of the teenager, and how she so wished they'd done the same to Jiseon).

Unnie  
I'm sorry I haven't really talked to you in a few days  
I was tired and just had stuff on I guess

Renjun sinks down to her haunches, her backpack clutched to her cold knees, re-reading those messages a few dozen times. She feels horrible. She's an awful big sister. As if Jiseon calling her unnie immediately weren't weird enough, what's worse is the bad excuse that she knows well is a drop of truth smeared out of recognition.

No shut up 😡 Unnie is sorry   
I didn't ask how you were getting on  
Jiseonnie hasn't done anything wrong 

She stops. Her fingers are shaking. She sucks in crisp air and looks up to the trio of lights, to Venus sparkling confidently.

If you say so, Renjunnie unnie

Are you dancing tomorrow, you have a class, right?

Yeah, I have a class till 10

Can Unnie pick you up afterwards?

But it's so late

I don't care 😡 Unnie will buy you tea 😡  
I miss Jiseonnie so you're not allowed to say no 😠

It takes a moment for Jiseon to respond. Renjun chews her lip worriedly, her legs slowly going dead as she waits, staring at the little bubble showing the girl typing. Was she too much just now? She probably was. But maybe Jiseon is just busy laughing at her.

Maybe that.

Lol, k  
Come after the class is finished, right?  
There's no point Renjunnie hanging around during, it'll just be boring  
and anyway, it's cold lately, Unnie might catch a cold 🙁  
Ok?

Sure Jiseonnie 🙂 of course ️ ♥

Renjun contemplates turning up before the class has even started. 

The clear skies don't last the night. These days the temperature is finally lifting, but it's bringing drizzle and ash grey clouds. The campus ferments under soft rain and dull, muted sunlight. Buried in her blue check raincoat, outsized hood pulled low to block out everyone and everything, Renjun manages to bumble smack into Jeno. It's when she's crossing the courtyard between the computer science building and the aging halls where her art history lectures take place. It's a part of the campus where Jeno normally has no reason to set foot. But the taller girl just catches Renjun by the elbow to prevent her from stumbling and smiles serenely from beneath her cherry blossom umbrella

"Renjunnie, I thought I'd find you here~♡" 

Renjun blushes, very much against her will. She slips her hand out of Jeno's hold and adjusts her raincoat, tugging at it's entirely non-functioning belt.

"Hi, Jeno," she smiles up at her, "Did you need me for something?"

"Sort of," Jeno grins, eyes disappearing into pretty crescents. For a long moment she seems disinclined to elaborate, preferring to just stand around in the spring rain with bedraggled Renjun. At length she explains, "Jiseon said you'd pick her up after our class?" 

"I - uh, yeah. Yeah, I know it's sort of late, but, um -" 

"Hey hey, don't worry about it. I'm not here to pry," Jeno soothes, reaching out to squeeze Renjun's hand. She keeps a hold of it a while, swinging on the balls of her feet - essentially swinging Renjun with her - and tells her, "No, you see, Jiseonnie said the wrong time. It changed this week. Could you be there for her at a quarter to 10?" 

"A quarter to?" Renjun checks. She has a tutorial then. She'll have to leave early if she's to get the bus. The tutor's a horrific prig though - she'll make an embarrassing scene for Renjun and likely she'll miss her bus anyway. So she's skipping it? Really? Oh dear. "Yeah, that's fine. I can make it." 

Jeno beams. After saying their goodbyes, she skips away through the mist, cherry blossom umbrella swaying ineffectively above her.

Renjun is early. Of course. She'd thought about buying a warm drink, but since she's taking Jiseonffor tea soon she decided against it and only stress-bought several packs of chewing gum and mints instead. (She'd thought about getting violets from the market. But honestly, only Jaemi and Jeno can do things that cheesy. Besides, she may have briefly glanced online at the flower's symbolism and discovered that it included lesbianism, decadence and pomposity - amongst other things. That felt like a little more than Renjun was ready to unpack). So she's empty-handed when she arrives at half past nine.

The hall where they practice is overlooked by an audience seating area. She catches their manager's eye as soon as she slips in the open door, presumably he'd been told to expect her. With a gesture he instructs her to head straight up the stairs to watch. She carefully treads up the dark, airless stairwell, not wanting to disturb them. Opening the door just a crack, she slides in and sits down in a corner where hopefully they won't even notice her. She can see a snatch of night sky, roiling with clouds, and the cement wall of the building opposite through the high windows.

Renjun rubs her legs for warmth through her rose patterned tights. The girls are huddled together, deep in discussion that Renjun is too far to overhear. Just as well, the peace is giving her time to mull. She remains uncertain what she wants to say. She's not sure how she'll feel when she's with Jiseon again. Thinking about her and being near her have always been two different things. Gabbing with the alien investigating, astrophysics nerd online, and being with the pretty, teasing, tall dancer with the cute nose - they're the same but different. Renjun is trying to bind them together in the new knowledge that, holy hell, that girl _likes_ her.

She hears one of the older members, whose name escapes her just now, say,

"Alright, Kid, you ready?" And Jiseon's deep voice crack,

"Eung! Let's get it!" 

The others are sitting about in a semicircle watching and whooping as the music starts. Jiseon has a solo, Renjun realises. She pouts - the girl never once mentioned it, nor did Jeno. She crisses her arms, leaning forward. She is determined to take in every detail and to give Jiseon hell for not telling her about this.

The music that booms through the speakers is unexpected. It's jazzy, heavy guitar and piano. The singer has a rich, gravelly voice. His accent is unique, his English difficult for Renjun to grasp, though snatches of the lyrics lodge in her brain, 

_The night's magic seems to whisper and hush… When you come, my heart will be waiting… Every time I touch you, you just tremble inside_

Jiseon moves like the air, like the starlight. The choreography is soaring and intense. Anyone watching could sense it's recounting a story, one bitter and sweet, one like a cold sky and a shimmering sunrise. Renjun doesn't notice she's biting her lip till she's broken the skin. Why didn't Jiseon tell her? She's so perfect when she dances. She couldn't have been ashamed. She's so - 

The music fades. Renjun feels like a sapling that's been thrashed by a passing storm. Jiseon had been kneeling, her head held to the heavens. As the other dancers applauded, she smiles shyly. Renjun applauds too, she can't help it. Jiseon hears the noise from the audience area. Her gaze quickly finds Renjun alone. She gasps. She doesn't smile. She ducks her head and is soon gone from Renjun's view.

Renjun waits outside, screwing her toes into the gravel, sheltering under her sky blue umbrella dotted with cartoon leaves and insects. She hadn't wanted to hang around inside, it might have been awkward since she doesn't know any of the other team members that well apart from Jeno. As it is it's barely ten past when Jiseon races out to her. The girl is wearing aging trainers, black jeans and a green hoodie with a design of a dinosaur holding a flower. Her hair, still damp from the shower, is secured under the ugly coffee-colored beanie Chenle got at one of her archery tournaments.

"Renjunnie! Uh," she pants, "Uh let's go over here."

Not waiting for a response, Jiseon takes Renjun by the elbow and shuffles her down the street a little to where there's a small hardware shop. It's shut up for the night but has an awning outside they can shelter under more easily. Renjun attempt to share her umbrella with Jiseon during this short walk but really doesn't succeed. Jiseon seems determined to let herself be rained on. When they're there, she lets down her umbrella, shakes it out and fastens it with frozen hands. When she looks up, she is struck by how Jiseon somewhat appears like she wants to die.

"How much did you see?" she mumbles, biting her nails.

"You're solo? The whole thing. I got here kind of early." Jiseon doesn't need to know just how early. 

"Right." She's still biting her nails. Renjun doesn't see why. Is she the one making Jiseon this nervous? That's awful. It can't be the performance - Jiseon must know she did more than well. So Renjun concludes it can only be her. She feels sick to her stomach.

"Oh god, I'm so embarrassed," Jiseon whines, suddenly covering her face with her hands.

"What? Why?!" Renjun protests. She tries to tug Jiseon's hands down with her free hand. Finding it impossible, she just holds her, slender fingers around Jiseon's wrist, "I don't understand." 

"You weren't supposed to see yet. I wasn't ready. You weren't supposed to see at all. Oh my god..." 

"Baby, are you crying?" 

A long pause. And now the teenager's shoulders are undeniably shaking. Renjun lets her umbrella drop and loops her arms loosely around Jiseon's bowed neck, petting the fine hair at her nape.

"No. I'm not." Slowly, the girl lowers her hands, toying with her fingers instead. With a deep, deliberate breath, she lifts her head. "See? I'm fine." 

Her eyes are shining. Renjun doesn't mention it.

"Why wasn't I supposed to see? Will you explain it to me? Unnie is dumb, okay?" 

Jiseon let's out a laugh. She steps back and Renjun reluctantly gives up stroking her wet hair for now. The girl's whole bearing radiates anxiety. But she forces herself to meet Renjun's eyes to tell her,

"I made it for you. Coach said I should try making choreography and I... That song has always made me think of Renjunnie. So I, um, I thought about what it's like with you and I... That... But you weren't supposed to see. Not yet. Or ever. Prefer ever. God, I'm so sorry. This must be so awkward for you. I'm sorry. I - I just really like you, but -"

Renjun kisses her. Numb fingers fisted in her dinosaur hoodie, lips pressed against chapped lips. She'd done it only to stop the girl blabbering herself into a panic attack. Even so, she doesn't pull back, not this time. She feels Jiseon go limp, arms hanging at her side. Finally, Renjun leans back, palms on the girl's shoulders. She makes herself stare Jiseon in the eyes. Guilt prickles all up and down her neck seeing the confusion writ there.

"Please don't be sorry," she says, voice coming out in a whisper.

"Renjunnie, what… You can't just... Unnie," the girl pleads. Anyone could tell she's close to tears again. Renjun sees the strain pinching at her face, feels it emanating in how she's holding herself. She tightens her grip on Jiseon's hoodie again and says,

"I'm not sure. I think I like you, too." Jiseon shivers under her touch but doesn't respond. Losing her nerve, Renjun lets her gaze drop. "I didn't think I could. I was always telling myself there was nothing there. But you're - It sucks without you, Jiseonnie. I think about you but you're not there. Thank you for making that choreography. It was so beautiful. You're so beautiful. I don't know why you even like me."

Oh great. Now it's her who's crying. Gradually, so hesitantly it makes Renjun whimper, arms come around her waist. Jiseon holds her trembling against her chest. Renjun's arms loop around her shoulders. They stay that way for she doesn't know how long. The whole world - and the rain and the traffic and the cold - all fades away, to Jiseon's heartbeat and the heat of her arms around Renjun and her deep voice murmuring into Renjun's hair, 

"Unnie, in that case, is this our first or second date?" 

Renjun scoffs. She wipes at her eyes and looks up at the teenager. With not a moment's hesitation, she twists Jiseon's ear till her nose scrunches.

"I'm unnie when you want me to buy you something, aren't I?"

"Yes, that's it."

Renjun smacks her upper arm lightly, smiling fondly.

"Right. It's getting late. Let's go."

She retrieves her fallen umbrella and they scuttle down the block to where there's a cafe, lights still on and soft rock piped through the speakers inviting them in. When they duck into the doorway and Renjun is laboriously binding up her huge umbrella again, she notices that once more, despite her efforts, she's mostly dry where Jiseon is approximately 60% soaked through.

Above her, the moon emerges from behind the clouds, crystal white. Renjun doesn't see, but Jiseon does. It makes her gather her courage into a tight ball in her chest. She sweeps down, a finger tilting the older girls chin up. Just as Renjun opens her mouth to nag, Jiseon kisses her, stealing a breath away. The taste of Renjun's cinnamon gum lingers on her tongue. A thrill runs through her right down to her toes.

"Don't worry about it, Unnie. Let's go inside where it's warm," Jiseon hears herself say, biting down a bashful giggling grin while she holds the door open for the older girl. Face flushed like pink pearls from her neck all up to her ears, Renjun tsks and leads the way, striding past Jiseon without a second look. 


	10. Epilogue: 美展

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part begins with Donghui and there's implied hyuckil (Donghui x Tae-I unnie). I know some people feel strongly against that ship, so you might want to skim the first couple of paragraphs.

The lithographs are hung for display, strung up in a corner of the exhibition hall on a wooden frame decorated with colorful dried leaves. The lighting and set-up is far from ideal, but Renjun thinks she did acceptably well with the minimal space provided for her. Her prints, rustling in between Ryujin and Yeji's large gray sculptures and Wooshin's detailed life drawings, stand out. Their blue, pink and black colour scheme attracts the curious eyes of the few visitors. Right now, Lee Donghui - dressed suspiciously nicely in figure-hugging grey jeans and a silk shirt the colour of blood and gold - is showing her older friend around, her own and her friend's wineglasses of elderflower cordial in her hands.

"But this looks exactly like Jiseonnie," Tae-I comments, bending at the waist in order to lean in close and examine a print of a tall girl holding a butterfly, "I've only seen her in that video you showed me and on your instagram, and it's exactly her."

"I know, Unnie," Donghui replies, swirling the bubbly drink in one of the glasses. She's forgotten which is hers and which is Tae-I's. Oh well, she shrugs, taking a sip - so long is Tae-I has forgotten too it's fine.

"But did Renjunnie really not realise what she was doing?" Tae-I asks, cocking her head at that leggy figure and the swirly butterfly. She sounds astonished.

"I told you, Unnie, our Renjunnie was acutely deep in denying the true nature of her feelings." 

"Huh," Tae-I rights herself, twirling a finger through her fluffy brown hair, "Imagine." 

"Yeah, imagine," Donghui mutters under her breath, watching Tae-I move ahead to the next print. Tae-I Unnie wore her tight, lemon yellow sweater plus her leather mini-skirt with the silver studs today. Today is a hell of a day for Donghui.

"Oh, Unnie. Look," she calls, catching the shorter woman's wrist, "Jaemi and Jeno are here after all. Shall we say hello?" 

Handing Tae-I one of the glasses, Donghui takes the opportunity to lace her fingers with the older woman's. They stroll together across the hall to greet her friends - Tae-I sufficiently distracted by art and non-alcoholic wine to not fuss about the very public display of affection, so Donghui assumes.

They reach Jaemi and Jeno in time to hear the tail end of them complimenting Ryujin and Yeji's work.

"They're so big, you know?" Jaemi muses.

"And sort of... thick? And smooth," Jeno adds - referring, of course, to the form of the boys' work.

"Yes," Jaemi agrees, giving her best friend a sweet smile, "Thick and smooth. We like that." 

"That's very kind of you," Ryujin responds - voice robotically level, although his hand holding several pamphlets is shaking wildly.

"Thank you for coming, I - I have to go now," Yeji croaks. The pierced boy marches away without a further word. A beat later, his friend follows in his wake.

"I was enjoying talking to them," Jeno pouts.

"Me too, friend," Jaemi sighs, linking her arm with Jeno's. Catching sight of Donghui and Tae-I, "Oh my, aren't you two looking lovely!" she proclaims. Donghui rolls her eyes. Neither Jeno nor Jaemi dressed up - just running over after their lecture. But then, neither of them is trying to impress anyone.

The four girls talk for a while, catching up on Jeno's dance crew and Tae-I's interminably slow progress on her Ph.D, Donghui's plans to audition for next semester's musical and Jaemi "accidentally" killing her Mandarin tutor in OverWatch. One after the other, May, Chenle and Jungwon show up, coming over as their classes or club meetings wind up.

Eventually, the woman of the hour arrives and it's immediately obvious where she'd disappeared to. Renjun strides up to the exhibition hall through the misty rain, chunky heels clacking on the paving stones, the light breeze fluttering her sensible woolen skirt and her long golden hair below the beret she's holding in place. Her other hand is held in Jiseon's - Jiseon who obviously hadn't been given time to change clothes. Her black and yellow uniform peeks around the coat she's clutching closed against the weather, and her ugly, too-small school shoes make her usual gait even more 'newborn giraffe' like than usual. It's, frankly, a testament to how much she likes her Renjun Unnie that, for once, she's consented to turning up at the university without changing into something more fashionable first. Donghui suppresses an eyeroll. How did it take Renjun so long to pick up on the signs again?

"Look at their gloves!" May whispers loudly enough for Jiseon's alien brethren to hear, slapping Donghui's arm excitedly.

"Gross! That's adorable," Chenle giggles. When Donghui has quit rubbing her arm as if she were fatally wounded, she spots what they mean. Renjun and Jiseon's linked hands are bare, but their others are gloved - the same pair of gloves. They're pale purple and fuzzy, so Donghui concludes they must belong to Renjun and she's forced Jiseon to wear one.

"That is cute," Donghui concedes, "Disgusting." Her remark makes Tae-I laugh beside her. (She beats down the wriggle of joy causing Tae-I's laughter brings her).

"Oh gosh, everyone's here," Renjun exclaims seeing so many eyes on her and Jiseon, "Were you all waiting for me or something?"

She lets go of Jiseon's hand and the blushing girl shuffles over to shiver beside Chenle. The expanse of skin between the hem of her skirt and her knee socks has turned a certain shade of blue.

"Not really, we're just chatting," Jaemi assures her.

"I was!" Jungwon pipes up - louder than she'd intended, judging by the embarrassed breathless giggle that immediately accompanies her words, "I would like my experience personally curated, please and thank you... Please?"

Renjun ends up leading Jiseon, Chenle and Jungwon around the exhibition. With a Korean dancer on either side of her and Chenle, she feels like they have a pair of overly tall bookends chaparoning them. Renjun begins with Wooshin's life drawings and takes the girls a circuitous route, putting off her work till last. Renjun hadn't intentionally done that, but clearly her subconscious had its own plans. She'd got scared last night, when she'd finally seen her prints hung up, ready to be viewed. To be examined. Her and Jiseon have been together barely a fortnight. The relationship is still tentative, still fragile. But here Renjun had just strung her heart up for all to examine. For Jiseon to examine. All the things Renjun had been too cowardly to admit even to herself, they're right there for anyone who cares to see. It'll be incredible if Jiseon doesn't.

Earlier, Jiseon had texted saying she wasn't sure she could make it today. The weather's so horrible and she can tell she's coming down with a cold. Renjun hadn't taken that suggestion well. She was too on edge to wait till tomorrow to see her girlfriend's reaction. So she had caught the bus to Jiseon's high school, realised she still had an hour to wait, and taken a miserable walk in the rain just to not be a creep hanging around the school gates. 

"Ah, Renjunnie's masterwork at long last!" Jungwon coos, bringing Renjun out of her abstraction. Tossing her long red hair back, Jungwon marches up to inspect Renjun's prints, elbow linked with Chenle. Jiseon lopes along behind them, smiling, a curious look in her eyes. Renjun orders herself not to scrutinise her reactions too much. She glances away to where the others have gathered on a few fold-out chairs near the entrance. Donghui and Jaemi are voluably bickering about god-knows-what whilst the others variously chuckle or egg them on. So the status quo is being maintained over there. Meanwhile, before she's at all prepared, Jiseon is flapping a hand to call Renjun to her side. The older girl trots over, breathing out a sigh as the teenager's arm slips around her, hand settling on Renjun's hip.

"Is it you?" she asks. She's holding a finger to her plump, torn bottom lip. Renjun's eyes linger for a moment before drifting to the print that's caught Jiseon's attention. It's of the long legged girl stumbling and the fairy girl pointing and laughing at her. Renjun cringes. Trust Jiseon to pick the one where lithograph her is being teased.

"Sort of," Renjun admits, twisting her heel into the old wooden floor, "And that's sort of you." 

"Sort of?" Jiseon presses, a ghost of a smirk on her face. Her thumb has found its way under Renjun's jumper, caressing the sensitive skin on her waist. Renjun grumbles - Jiseon's hand is cold - squirming closer to her.

"Yeah, sort of. I didn't intend to make them like us but it just kind of happened without me knowing." Now that it's out in the open, Renjun can't not ask, "Do you - do you like them?" 

Jiseon grins down at her. There's no artifice there at all, Renjun thinks, the idea striking her in the heart. Strands of hair fall from the cheap, multicoloured hairclips Jiseon uses into her eyes. Renjun reaches up on tiptoes to brush them aside. Jiseon's skin still feels too cold, so her hands remain, fingers carding through Jiseon's hair. 

"Of course I do. They're so cool. Renjunnie's cool sometimes, huh?" 

Renjun humphs. She kisses Jiseon's cheek with a firm smack of lips and drops back, tired of tiptoeing.

"You didn't know I'm cool? I'm the coolest," she claims, striding away while Chenle guffaws and Jungwon chants, "Of course you are, Baby, you tell them." She hears Jiseon's bashful giggle and her clunky school shoes coming after her. In a heartbeat, the girl's hand is around hers. A breeze from outside flutters Renjun's lithographs and the rainbow of leaves ringing her work, and Renjun feels safe and rooted with the girl she loves.


End file.
